


How Remus met Sirius

by sheslytherin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Smut, Funny, Gay Remus Lupin, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Marauders, Romance, Texting, There is a plot I promise, Wrong number
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:55:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28573365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheslytherin/pseuds/sheslytherin
Summary: (unknown number):-Prongs, for the last time, deleting your number from my phone is NOT going to stop me.-I know where you live.-I will find you eventually, you know.-Is she sucking you off right now? As we speak?-Say nothing if you're having sex right now.-I knew it.-I get the vague impression that you have the wrong number.-Also, way to go Prongs.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 136
Kudos: 299





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Wolfstar fic (probs many to come), and my first texting fic (I am in love with them). It will be a lot of texting but we'll also get a lot of Remus perspective in between. Also, they all go to uni in England, I'm not British so idk locations and stuff but whatever. Also also, I mention sororities here, Idk if you have those in the UK? I'm not American either so maybe it makes zero sense but of well.
> 
> Cursive is Remus
> 
> I would die for wolfstar ok bye happy reading.

* * *

(Unknown number)

* * *

_14:57_

**-Prongs, for the last time, deleting your number from my phone is NOT going to stop me**

**-I know where you live.**

**-I will find you eventually, you know**

**-Is she sucking you off right now? As we speak?**

**-Say nothing if you're having sex right now.**

**-I knew it.**

_-I get the vague impression that you have the wrong number._

_-Also, way to go, Prongs._

**-Nice try, don't forget to ask Emeline which of us is the better shag**

_-Why would you ever ask someone that._

**-You promised you would, git.**

**-Don't be insecure just because my equipment is bigger**

_-I'm starting to see why Prongs doesn't want you contacting him._

**-No need to ignore me, I'm sure your lovemaking is more than satisfactory**

_-Right, I'm not 'Prongs', also I think you have separation issues._

**-Listen here, Fleamont.**

**-I will not hesitate to tell dear Lilyflower about your promiscuous** **endeavours, shall you keep the filthy details to yourself.**

**-And now you're not responding. Suit yourself.**

**-You drive a hard bargain, Mr Prongs. I have decided not to tell Miss Lilyflower, but as** **punishment for your lack of solidarity in the name of brotherhood, and the** **ancient art that is lockerroom talk, I will be confiscating the alcoholic beverage beneath your bed.**

**-That was me informing you of the Hufflepuff party taking place tonight.**

_-What the fuck is a Hufflepuff._

**-Don't play dumb with me here, sweetheart.**

**-Now, there is a very high chance of me getting crossfaded, and an even bigger chance of me** **getting my hand up Dorcas Meadows skirt this evening, please recognize the sirius matter at hand.**

_-*Serious_

**-Are you ok?**

_15:47_

**-I have just been informed by one very flustered Prongs that I have indeed not been sending** **him threatening messages today.**

**-I offer my sincerest apologies.**

_-Was he shagging?_

**-No, unfortunately. He chickened out, it appears his sexuality is; Lily. Yet another day of lonesome bachelorhood.**

_-Do you mean Lily is Fleamonts girlfriend? And you want him to cheat on her?_

**-Oh god no. No, Lily is the forever unreciprocating object of his affection.**

_-Hm. I mean, his name is Fleamont, not sure I can blame her in all honesty._

**-As much as it pains me to admit, his name is not actually Fleamont. It's his middle name.**

_-Right, thank you for that vital piece of information. I will proceed with my day now._

**-You will be missed.**

* * *

Marlene

* * *

_16:32_

**-REEEEMUUUUUUUUUUS!**

**-RRREEEEEMMMUUUUSSSS!**

**-REMUS!**

_-So much excitement._

**-Good you're alive.**

**-Guess what**

_-You dyed your hair._

**-Well, yes, it's purple again**

**-But that's not it**

**-!!**

_-I picture you giggling._

_-Spill._

**-Coffee girl is as gay as Virginia Wolf**

_-Duh._

**-You've been gay for five minutes, calm your tits.**

_-She has three piercings (that we know of), reads Emily Dickinson, majors in gender and women studies,_ _and works at a coffee shop called pussycat._

_-Call me intuitive._

**-Smartass**

_-Oh my god, did you dye your hair purple because she has purple strands in hers?_

**-...No**

_-Did you ask her out?_

**-Not yet, got her number though. I'll text her now.**

_-And all it took was two months of semi stalking._

_-I'm proud of you._

**-Yeah, yeah, when was the last time you asked for a blokes number, huh?**

**-Oh that's right, once last never.**

_-Gloating is not a good look on you Mckinnon._

_-And I don't need to, they come to me. Lads positively throw themselves at me._

**-Must be the cardigans.**

_-I reckon it's the two pairs of jeans I own._

**-Hard to resist. Those with the stain had me considering my lifestyle for a second.**

_-Oh they both have stains, Marlene._

**-How did I ever resist you**

_-I think it was the lack of tits._

**-And she's gay again.**

_-Shame, we'd have mindblowing missionary sex._

**-Under the sheets?**

_-And lights off._

**-I'm shivering.**

**-Moving on,**

**-Will you be back for new years? I'm thinking of throwing something small at our flat?**

_-Are you doing that so you won't have to interact with coffee girl sober?_

**-Sometimes I worry we spend too much time together**

**-And yes**

**-She's just so perfect Remus**

**-I act like an absolute idiot when she's around**

_-Oh I know._

_-And no, I probably won't be._

**-How's your dad? Is he getting better?**

_-it's pretty much the same. I just don't want to leave mom right now._

_-Besides, my cousins are coming over for new years. Do you remember Lily and Petunia?_

**-Oh yeah. Lily was hot, Petunia called me a dyke.**

_-That's the one. Lily is not only hot, but she's actually fun to be around, so it won't be all bad._

_-Pretty sure she's straight though, before you get your hopes up._

**-Oh my god Remus, I love you, but if I hear you talking about your** **perfect gaydar one more time I'll lose my shit.**

_-You just envy my power._

**-Indeed I do**

**-Let me know if something changes with your dad, alright? And give Hope some love from me**

_-I will and I will._

**-Call me later yeah? Don't want Wales bringing you down too much**

_-Why would it bring me down? I'm getting middle school flashbacks in my childhood_ _bedroom, mom keeps asking about girls, and I can't smoke. Why would I be miserable?_

_-No I take that back, not flashbacks; ptsd._

_-I've never wanted a beer so bad in my life._

**-My plants miss you**

_-You are so lesbian._

**-OH MY GOD REMUS!**

**-SHE TEXTED ME BACK**

**-Looks like I have a date tonight *victory dance***

_-Good girl._

_-So what are you guys doing, drinks?_

**-Nah there's some sorority party she's going to and invited me**

_-Have fun. Don't do anything I would do. And definatly don't do anything you would do._

**-I'm getting some pussy, pretty sure you've never done that.**

_-Touché_

* * *

(Unknown number)

* * *

_22:33_

**-Would you happen to know the price for a gram of weed**

_-Why are you asking me of all people._

_-But it's usually 10 pounds or less._

**-So if, hypothetically, a lad charges you 30 for two grams, you're being ripped off?**

_-I would say so. Hypothetically._

**-Meh, worth it.**

_-There is such a thing as google, you know._

**-You don't appreciate my effort in this relationship.**

_-And what a relationship it is._

**-I'm going to ignore your sarcastic tone.**

**-Sometimes I feel like you're not as committed as I am.**

_-I'm not committed? I thought you were trying to get your hand up Dorcas Meadows skirt?_

_-And who even says that? Are you fourteen?_

**-I am not fourteen, she just often happens to wear a skirt.**

**-And well, slight implication, she's lesbian. A great loss for men everywhere.**

_-Hm._

**-What?**

_-Well, don't you think she said that so you would stop placing your hand in inappropriate places?_

**-Judging by where her hand is right now, no. I don't think so.**

**-She is grinding on the girl who came in earlier and belted an entire verse of baby got back.**

_-Good on Dorcas._

**-Do you reckon if I memorised baby got back I would have a chance?**

**-God, they're really going at it. It's like two purple dogs humping over there.**

_-You can always try._

_-Could you please tell me what a Hufflepuff is. It has been bothering me all day._

**-Glad to friend, Hufflepuff is a sorority.**

_-Oh. Puff. That explains the weed then._

**-It's a passionate subject in this house apparently.**

_-So you're in uni?_

**-Glad yo see you making an effort with this conversation.**

_-Fuck off._

**-He swears! But he remembers the punctuation, good on ya.**

_-Ha ha_

**-It hurt just now, not using it, didn't it?**

**-And to answer your question, yes I am in uni. Are you?**

**-** _No, I'm actually a ten year old, wondering why this strange grown man keeps messaging me._

**-Do all ten year olds know the price of weed by heart?**

**-** _I'm a stressed ten year old. Primary school puts a lot of pressure on my young shoulders._

**-I can imagine.**

**-Are you always this dismissive?**

_-It's all part of my charm._

**-I'll say. So going off of nothing here, I'm guessing you're a 20-25 year old lad who lives somewhere in the UK, judging by your number.** **You also read, hence the grammar and punctuation in text messages. And you think you're better than** **other people because of it. You get high as well, so you're a proper hipster.**

_-I refuse to be called a hipster._

_-And what makes you so sure I'm a guy?_

**-I used male pronounces earlier and you didn't correct me, keep up Mark.**

_-My name is Mark?_

**-I don't know, is it?**

_-Aren't you at a party? Why are you texting a stranger, do you not have any friends?_

**-I'll have you know I have an abundance of friends. But Prongs ditched me to** **stalk his Lily.**

**-I may or may not be hiding in a bathroom currently.**

_-Why are you hiding in a bathroom John?_

**-Ah you gave me a name, thank you for some effort, finally.**

**-I'll tell you Mark, firstly; someone put on Timber, which was aggrevating.**

**-Second, someone I know, and would rather avoid showed up.**

_-I'm guessing this someone is an ex of sorts?_

_-And you really can't complain, all the music I have available is_ _Chiquitita and an album of Christian rock classics._

**-I don't even know where to begin unpacking all of that.**

**-Ex of sorts, correct.**

**-But more importantly, _why_ Christian rock classics? And why is only that at your disposal?**

**-Mark, this is not the time for you to stop responding, I am at the edge of my seat.**

_-I don't have wifi at the moment. That's why._

**-Are you a christian?**

_-In front of my parents, sure._

**-How devoted to your faith you seem.**

_-Yeah Jesus is dope._

**-I've known you for half a day and I could tell that was out of character for you.**

_-Right, I'm going to bed now, and I won't be saying goodnight_ _because I don't know you._

**-Way harsh. Goodnight Mark.**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos make me happy
> 
> I post on Tumblr when I update- @itsboringblogs :*


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Lily

* * *

**-Hi Remus! You're in Wales right now, correct?**

_-Correct._

_-Mom said you guys are coming for new years?_

**-That we are, and on that note, I have horrendous news.**

_-Mrs Evans gonna cook, isn't she?_

_-Don't tell Petunia I said that._

**-I would never. And I wish that was the bad news, Petunia is bringing her boyfriend.**

_-That bigot Vernon?_

**-Ding ding ding**

**-I really tried to talk her out of it, but apparently, she'll die without him.**

_-Well, one can hope._

_-Are you coming here on the 31st?_

**-I think so. It'll be good to see you again, it's been a while.**

_-Yeah, it has, we should get together when we're back in the city again,_ _it's not like we live far._

**-I was thinking the same thing, are you liking Kingston still?**

_-Yeah I really am. This year's been harder than the first but it's manageable._

_-How's St George's, Dr Evans? I feel like I can't complain about my English major_ _when you're going to be a doctor._

**-Oh stop, I mean yeah it's a lot, but uni life is fun so I don't mind too much.**

**-You're still in the same flat?**

**-** _Yeah, with my friend Marlene. You've met her actually, don't know if you remember._

**-Oh no, I sure do, she makes an impression.**

_-That she does. Pretty sure she asked you out that night._

**-She did. I remember liking her, made me wish I wasn't straight as an arrow.**

_-I'm sure she wished the same._

* * *

Remus put his phone down to attend to the burning sausages in the frying pan. He had lived away from his childhood home for two years now, but still had the cooking skills of a five year old. There really wasn't any need for him to cook though, Marlene made these amazing dumplings she was taught in some vegan cooking class. But, not wanting to live the domestic heterosexual lifestyle, hardly ever made them. It meant a lot of take-out and even more instant noodles. That could be the reason Remus was as scrawny as a toothpick.

"Oh you're cooking! I thought I'd never see the day." Hope Lupin sang, joining her son in the kitchen.

"I'm not entirely sure it's edible though..." At that moment he turned one of the sausages to find it completely burnt. His mom only shook her head faintly and laughed. She told him she would fix something and waved him off. Perhaps she wasn't so upset he couldn't cook, since it's kind of a 'man-thing', Remus thought. But maybe he was being too harsh on her.

"So, Jane is bringing the whole family here on New years eve! Both girls are coming too, so nice to all be together, don't you think?" 

"Yeah, I texted Lily earlier. You'll cook right? I'm not sure I can smile through Janes meatloaf again." His mother laughed innocently.

"Yes, I'll cook, dear. Do you see Lily much? In London, I mean."

"Not so much anymore" Remus answered with a shrug. The truth was that they did hang out quite a bit during their first years of uni. They lived close and Lily had always been one of his closest friends growing up. During the summer Remus had figured out he was gay (through a lot of trial and error, denial, and finally acceptance), which meant caution around anyone blood-related. Lyall and Hope Lupin were the perfect picture of a smiling suburban family, except for the financial troubles of course. They went to church and frowned when someone bashed the conservative party. But Remus loved them like any son loves his parents, sure his relationship with his father was complicated, but his mother was sweet and loving, though she liked to sweep some things under the rug. Marlene was one of those things, his parents had met his best friend a few times, and it was a consciously a rare occurrence. 'She sure has... fun hair, doesn't she, Lyall.' Remus had never told them that she was a lesbian, but that was more because they didn't ask, Remus thought that perhaps they just preferred not to know. 

"Oh, Petunia is bringing her boyfriend Vernon! That will be exciting, won't it?" His mother gushed, because of course she did. Remus sighed, knowing where the conversation was headed. "I wish you would bring someone home soon Remus, are you really not dating at all? Surely there are plenty of nice girls there, it's the big city!" That was another thing they often mentioned, 'The big city'. That was usually where his conversations with his mom ended up; girls or London. Remus and Lily had been united in the sense that they rebelled against their small-town based family. 

"I've told you, mom, I have a lot in school, and work on top of it." He worked in a bookshop, like the walking cliché that he was.

* * *

(Unknown number)

* * *

_13:23_

**-Mark, mate, you will not belive the morning I've had**

_-Oh good, we're still doing this._

_-Hello, do tell._

**-So I'm working the opening shift at the bar and this massive bloke comes in, and when I say** **massive, Mark, I mean MASSIVE. So anyway, he orders a pint and sits there just watching some game for a while.**

_-Massive man, pint, game, got it._

**-And then the news comes on, and they talk about some debate on same-sex marriages or whatever, and this guy,** **this massive man, Mark, he goes on a tangent for a good five minutes about sins and how 'poofs' should burn in** **hell or something. And I deal with drunk arseholes all day, so I try and talk him down ya know,** **try telling him to please leave and shit**

_-I would've just hit him._

**-Oh, Marks got a temper**

**-You and he think the same though**

**-He fucking punched my face!**

**-My beautiful face**

_-Oh shit._

**-It's truly a tragedy**

_-You good?_

**-Well no, Mark, I'm not good.**

**-My beautiful face**

_-Well, it's good you're not vain._

_-Surely you'll bruise though, that'll look pretty badass._

**-I already drive a motorcycle and went through a leather jacket phase all throughout** **highschool. I don't need the bruise to increase my badassery Mark**

_-I'm not loving the Mark._

**-Would you possibly bother telling me your actual name then?**

_-Why are you still texting me, John? It seems your life is plenty interesting as is._

**-Well you have no wifi, so the way I see it, I'm your main source of entertainment.**

**-Besides, I talk too much and my friends are tired of me.**

_-Now, that I understand. Though I feel like that wouldn't stop you._

**-You sound like Wormtail**

_-You do realize that tells me nothing._

_-That is a friend of yours? I thought you were in uni, why do all your friends_ _have nicknames that sound like they were made by fifteen year olds?_

**-Because, you judgmental twat, we've known each other forever. Probably made them at fifteen.**

_-How did you even come up with those._

_-Did you just call me a twat._

**-Very long story Mark.**

**-And yes I did. Sorry.**

_What's yours then?_

**-Padfoot.**

_-Of course._

**-You've never had a nickname?**

**-That's sad, Mark.**

_-Um._

_-My cousin used to call me Moony when we were kids? Does that count?_

**-I LOVE IT**

- _So enthusiastic._

**_-Moony_ **

**-That's wonderful. Beautiful.**

**-Your name in my contacts is Moony now and there is no going back.**

_-Okay._

_-You are now called Padfoot in my contacts. And if someone asks me about it I'll tell them you're in a gang._

**-That is fair.**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos make me happy


	3. Chapter 3

"He's...you know..." Remus awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. 

"He's horrible!" Lilys red hair was pooling on the table in front of her as she buried her face in her palms. Remus could only sigh, giving in.

"Yeah" He sipped on his tea. "Yeah, he really is."

"And to think, he'll most likely be my bother in law." She said it like the mere thought was enough to make you jump off a cliff.

"But didn't you hear Lily? He can get you a discount on drills! What else could you really ask for?" Lily gave into a laugh at that and showed her beautiful green eyes again.

"We're gonna get so drunk for this dinner."

"You do realize where we are? I don't think my mom has touched a beer in fifteen years." Their family was judgemental when it came to most things. Getting hammered at family functions was a sure way to earn some disappointed glares, not that it would ever stop either of them. Lily grinned and reached into her purse, when her hands resurfaced, she had a bottle of wine in each.

"Oh, you are good." Remus cried, "You are so, so good." 

* * *

Marlene

* * *

_15:14_

**-WHERE IS THE YELLOW BOWL**

_-The punch bowl or the one with a dick on it for fruits and vegetables?_

**-Do you think I'm serving fucking fruit Remus**

**-Yeah some apples will surely get coffee girl to stay the night**

**-Just give her some pears, that'll get her going**

_-The yellow punch bowl is on top of the fridge._

_-Why are you hysterical? I thought you went home with her after that sorority party?_

_-Also, is it concerning that you're still calling her coffee girl? Do you know her actual name?_

**-Yes, I do know her name dickhead. I call her Cass, its all cute and shit.**

**-And that's the problem Remus!!!**

**-I _did_ go home with her. We had mindblowing, sweet, homosexual sex.**

**-And I still want to see her again!**

_-Yeah, that's new actually._

**-I know!**

**-I'm freaking out Remus**

_-Calm down. She likes you, right? Why else would she spend New Years with you?_

**-I don't know...**

**-Also, I know you're gonna go all Remus on me, but I might have invited more than twenty people**

_-Are we talking Halloween numbers or Valentine numbers?_

**-Oh Valentine, I don't even know how we fit so many people on Halloween**

_- We didn't._

_-And I already figured you were planning to invite more people. You're untrustworthy._

**-Slander**

**-It's really because of coffee girl, she wanted to bring some friends and couldn't say no to those tits**

_-If there's puke on my bed this time..._

**-I'll clean it up.**

_No. Marlene, it won't get there in the first place._

_Marlene?_

_I'm breaking up with you._

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_17:58_

**-Hello Moony**

_-Padfoot._

**-Are you excited for the new year**

_-Positively quivering with anticipation._

**-Let me guess, you hate people who make new years a big deal, and make resolutions, and have hope and all that?**

_It's all capitalised and marketed for financial gain. But sure, hope._

**-Ever the pessimist Moony**

**-This is the part where you ask what my resolutions are**

_What are your resolutions, Padfoot? Aside from avoiding massive men?_

**-Avoiding massive men is asking too much of me Moony.**

**-No, my resolution is to figure out your major**

**-And to stop day drinking but that not happening**

_-That is a very specific resolution._

_-Why do you think I'm even in uni?_

_-Wait, why can't you avoid massive men?_

**-I don't know, you just feel like you belong in a library, with a tea in your hand.**

**-Let me guess, earl grey kind of man?**

_-Me and half of Britain, but sure._

_-You work in a bar, ride a motorcycle, and have owned and worn a leather jacket_ _at some point._ _Are you in a biker gang?_

**-As much as I would love to ride around with moustachy racist old men, I am not in a biker gang.**

**-I would love for you to guess my major, cause you're judgemental and will never get it.**

_-You're the one who assumes I'm a swot._

_-And fine, I'll bite. Are you an art major?_

**-No, but I am rather talented with a tattoo gun, I'll have you know.**

**-What made you think I was an art major?**

_-You're flamboyant._

_-Do you do gang tattoos for all the moustachy old men?_

**-Don't forget racist. Moustachy racist old men.**

_-Right._

**-So what are you doing for New years?**

_-You really won't let the conversation just die, will you._

_-I'm getting drunk and avoiding family members, I'm sure you have something a tad more riveting planned._

**-Do you live with your parents?**

_-God no._

**-Do you live in London?**

_-Bordering stalker territory there, Padfoot._

**-Fine**

**-I'm going to a party**

**-I think**

**-I'm going with my friends to some random get-together, where I will get horrifically drunk**

_-When you say 'friends', do you mean Prongs? As in one singular friend._

**-Don't forget the lesbian. We've bonded.**

_-I'm glad._

_-Did you memorise baby got back?_

**-I know a lost cause when I see one, she is all tits I'm afraid**

_-Right._

_-I have a dinner to return to and wine to attend to. Goodbye._

**-I'll text you at midnight Moony**

_-You don't have to text me at midnight, Padfoot._

* * *

Lily

* * *

_19:02_

**-Oh my god, we get it. He has a thing for drills.**

**-How is he this boring.**

**-WHY DID HE BRING POLITICS INTO IT.**

_-I can't believe you're texting me beneath the table._

_-I think the last time we did this was at Petunias confirmation._

**-Oh yeah, that was the worst. She told mom and dad she was soo upset I didn't do it too, but she loved the attention.**

**-I felt so crappy that day**

_-I remember. Didn't you lose your snogging virginity afterwards?_

**-UGHH**

**-Fuck, I had suppressed that memory.**

**-I was so desperate for validation I kissed Severus.**

_-That's right! Oh my god, he was obsessed with you._

**-Kinda, yeah. Wasn't even a good snog.**

_-What did you expect? The boy looked like he'd never heard of a shower._

_-Good as well he got that snog from you, it was most likely his last._

**-Did he just say climate change was invented by the Chinese?**

* * *

Marlene

* * *

_22:04_

_-This is your reminder to lock my bedroom door._

_-I'm not kidding, Mckinnon._

_-If there is spunk on anything I sleep on, I swear to God, I will burn you._

_-You are reading these messages. You know I can see that you are reading them._

_22:57_

**-Hiya Remuuus**

**-There is no spunk. Zerooo spunk.**

**-Dhat I know of.**

_You're drunk._

**-REMUSSSS**

**-THERE IS THE HOTTEST MAAN. YOU HAVE EVER SEE. IN HERE.**

**-I**

**-HE IS SO HOT ITS LIKE A HAIRSTRAIGHTERNER TO MY RAINBOW**

**-not actually I'm doing purple girl tonight**

**-TOOONIIIGHT**

_Is Cass purple?_

_Mar I'm kind of drunk myself and you know I get anxious when I'm tipsy please, lock. my. door._

**-Suuure don even worry bout it**

_-This is not reassuring in the slightest._

**-You should worry bout this fine ass maaaan here**

**-You like men**

_-I do._

_-I like men._

* * *

He slammed his phone down on the pillow with a bit more force than anticipated. The sheets were galaxy-themed, because his fourteen year old self wanted to be an astronaut and his mother never let him forget. After a final text from Lily, where she expressed her need to scream into a pillow or punch something, they had escaped to his bedroom. It all felt very nostalgic. Remus automatically fell on his bed, and Lily sat by his desk, just like they had done when they were kids. While he watched her pour yet another glass of red wine for herself and Remus, he felt a sudden fondness for his cousin and childhood friend wash over him. He didn't have many friends from his childhood. He had been a shy and introverted kid, who didn't understand the fascination with boobs. It took so long for him to figure out he was gay, only because he had never really been interested in dating at all. It was only when uni and his sexually liberated roommate showed him what life had to offer, he realised he had deprived himself of experiences his whole life. 

"Do you reckon they have sex, or are they actually waiting for marriage as she says?" She burped mid-sentence. And then there was Lily. Good and funny and honest Lily. She had been the best part of his life at some points, and Lily was the one who made him feel what he think is expected to feel when someone says; family. Not that his parents were bad people, they weren't. They were perfectly normal. Maybe a bit too normal. But Lily knew him. Lily felt like acceptance and love.

"Do you remember when I showed Petunia your dads playboy?" She laughed into her glass before taking a sip. "She called me a freak."

"Lily?" Remus sat up on his bed, his voice was softer than he had intended. She must have registered it, because their eyes met and she gave him a small smile. A genuine one. "I want to tell you something. Something I should've told you a long time ago, actually." Remus swallowed. But he had no reason to be nervous, he thought. Lily was love, Lily was good. "I'm gay" Her expression was indifferent as she placed her hand over his.

"I love you, Remus." She said it so simply, like the words he had said didn't matter at all to her. And perhaps they didn't. Not for the first time- he felt lucky to have Lily.

"They don't know."

"I figured." Lily smiled weakly and removed her hand to take the soon-to-be-empty glass. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"No, not really big on dating in general." He had had several flings and one-night-stands, but never really felt the need to connect on some deeper level. Besides, the only actual relationship he'd had lasted for about four months. The boyfriend had been an arse, and was frankly someone Remus would rather just forget.

"Yes, well, I know that. Remember that summer when you grew like ten inches and got those freckles? When school started, half the girls in the grade asked me about you." Remus felt silly for almost blushing. "It was hard to keep them away, honestly." They both laughed, and fell down a rabbit hole of nostalgia.

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_00:00_

**-Happy new year, Moony.**

- _Wow, it really was midnight on the dot._

_-Merry Christmas, Padfoot._

**-Did you think that was funny?**

_-I really did_

**-Is this drunk Moony I'm witnessing?**

_-I'm not drunk_

_-I'm moderately functional_

**-Holy shit, you didn't use proper punctuation. You are so pissed.**

_-Fuck off._

**-You think I'm funny.**

_-You have your moments._

**-That was almost kind.**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos make me happy


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Marlene

* * *

_09:27_

_-I assume you're lying passed out on the coffee table right now, but I wanted to inform you that I am soon on my way home._

_-Tell the plants I'll be there at three._

_13:14_

**-All I know is pain.**

- **But that's great. The plants will be glad to have you back.**

**-And don't worry I'll have the flat cleaned by the time you're back**

_-Well, we both know that is not true._

_-It's fine, I'll help you. Just make sure we have some cigs when I get there._

**-You're a prince amongst men**

**-I will, I would never deprive you of your favourite hangover cure.**

**-Any reason you're coming back?**

_-No, dad's still the same. But lectures will start soon, figured I might as well get back to London with Lily._

_-I came out to her last night._

**-Shit, first family member. It went well?**

_-It did. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner._

**-Because she's blood-related, and those are the worst to tell**

**-And I know how much she means to you**

**-Maybe parents is next?**

_-Right._

_-Oh, you can't hear the sarcasm in that statement, no. The answer is no._

**-Well it's up to you obviously, but you know what I think**

_-Yes. I do_.

**-You should do it when you're ready, but just don't dismiss the idea.**

**-It didn't exactly go well when I came out, but I'm still glad I did**

**-It felt good telling Lily, didn't it?**

_-Yes. But she's an angel._

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_13:49_

**-Zepplin or Beatles?**

_-Why._

**-Someones grumpy**

**-Are you hungover**

**-I'm trying to see what type of swot you are**

_-Fuck off._

_-Beatles._

**-Thought so. You own vinyls?**

_-Does this conversation have a purpose._

**-That's a yes**

**-I picture you wearing knitted sweaters**

_-Shut up._

**-Beatles or Bowie?**

_-Bowie._

**-Now we're getting somewhere**

_-Yes, what a stimulating conversation._

**-It's good for you I'm not easily offended Moony**

**-At the flat I went to last night, this guy had the biggest vinyl collection I've ever seen. I swear he had like every Bowie song in existence. You would've loved it Moony, he had lots of Beatles too. And some obscure alternative music I would assume you're into as well.**

_-You went through his collection? Rude._

**-I'm a curious person.**

_-I had no idea._

**-Do you smoke cigarettes?**

_-Case and point._

_-Sometimes._

- **That is code for crippling addiction.**

**-You're a philosophy major.**

_-I'm annoyed. And no._

**-Oh my god do you roll your own cigarettes?**

_I'm done with this conversation._

**-Why Chiquitita?**

_-What._

**-You said you had christian rock and Chiquitita**

**-I assume the christian rock album belongs to your parents, that leaves you with the best ABBA song. How come?**

_-Oh._

_-It's the only song I have downloaded. Don't ask._

**-You know I will ask Moony.**

_-Not happening._

_-And I won't be listening to either Chiquitita or Mac Powell for another year hopefully._

**-Leaving your parents then?**

_-Yes._

**-Good, finally home to good old Bristol.**

_-It's the Mark thing all over again._

**-Liverpool?**

-Sure.

**-Cambridge?**

_-I'm going to mute your messages._

**-Manchester?**

**-Birmingham?**

* * *

"Who are you texting?" Lily gave his leg a nudge with her foot. The train ride had so far been minutes of silence and groans, since they were both nursing painful hangovers. When Remus shrugged and told her 'no one special', she gave him a smirk. "No one special, eh? You were grinning like an idiot, is it a guy?" 

"It's... a friend? I don't even know him honestly, just some random bloke. But no, not anything like that."

"A straight friend?" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh, very straight. But like I said, I don't know him." Lily narrowed her eyes like she didn't believe him. "Lily, I have a flawless gaydar, never dare question it. Besides, as I said, I don't know him."

"Alright," She put her hands up in defeat. "I was only hoping you just kept your dating life secret from me. I thought when you finally came out you'd start dating, or you know, have some sort of love life."

"Harsh, Evans. And it's not like I don't... you know"

"Have sex?"

"Right." He said. She almost giggled at his awkwardness.

"Prude"

"Yes Lily, I have fantastic anal sex from time to time." 

"Good for you Remus."

"What about you Lils?" She eyed him questioningly over the book in her hands.

"Do I have fantastic anal sex from time to time?" Remus could only sigh into his own book, covering his face so she wouldn't see his grin. "I date, yes. Nothing special though... I actually..." Lily coughed awkwardly, like she was choking on her own words.

"Don't tell me you're queer too, way to steal my thunder."

"No, not that I- um... Well, I actually do kind of like someone... But it's complicated."

"Is he in a relationship?"

"No" She sighed longingly. "But we... we have history? And he's my friend, he's actually a really great guy Remus, and he plays football, and he is _so fit_ , it's insane." Lily titled her head back like the thought of him was frustrating.

"Well, he sounds perfectly attainable. I mean, I'm not someone you should ask for dating advice, but I say if you like him, fuck it. What do you have to lose?"

"His friendship? And the dynamic of our friend group would be at stake..."

"Lils look," Remus took her hand and looked right in her eyes. "You are every straight mans dream, alright? You've literally had boys throwing themselves at you since primary. If we're taking bets, I'd say that he likes you too. And as for the friend thing... Will you be able to maintain a friendship with him despite your feelings? If he, say, gets a girlfriend?"

"...No... I don't think I could."

"Then I think you have your answer. He's single now, but he won't be forever. If you know you'll lose his friendship eventually, why not risk it now, when you have something to win?" Lily looked like she was going over it in her own head. Then she smiled wistfully.

"How did you become so wise?"

"It's all the anal sex."

"Of course."

"Is he really a good guy though?" 

"Yeah" She smiled, "Yeah, he really is. And it's good for him too, don't want him to end up like Evan Rosier." Lily smirked and triggered a foggy memory in Remus mind.

"I wouldn't punch this guy, I'm way more mature and all that, now."

"Sure you are."

* * *

"Yes, we got home safe."

"Mhm, I'm just coming through the door now"

"Yes, I did."

"Mhm."

"Yeah, say hi to dad for me when he wakes up."

"Yeah, bye mom." Remus hung up and finally put his bag down.

"REMUS!" A head of aggressively purple hair came charging towards him from the kitchen. Marlene engulfed him a bear hug and passionately kissed his cheek. "I've missed you, lover" She whispered seductively in his ear.

"Yes, let us go engage in sexual activities." Marlene acted as if his robotic voice was the most riveting erotic sensation she'd ever felt and gasped loudly.

"You sure know how to get a woman excited" When she released him, Remus looked over at their small flat, currently covered with discarded shirts and plastic cups. One of Marls many plants was wearing a pink feather boa, because of course it was. From where he stood he couldn't even see the state of their kitchen or living room. 

"Do I want to see my room?" Remus prepared himself for the worst, more than once had he come home to find strangers underwear by his bed and butts of cigarettes on his pillow. 

"I locked the door, I promise!"

She hadn't locked his door. Apparently she thought she did, but then claimed she couldn't be held responsible for any actions not taken while Sir Mix-a-lot was playing. 

Remus unpacked the messy duffle bag. He had packed both pairs of jeans that he owned and a few knitted sweaters and cardigans. Remus always wore at least two layers of clothing, because he was constantly freezing. It made him look even more like a scrawny mess of limbs too long for his body. He put on a record from his impressive collection (if he could say so himself). Remus worked a whole summer at the only cinema in his hometown when he was sixteen, only to afford the half-functional record player. He inherited crap music from his dad, except for one Beatles album. He fell head over heels for the record and they had been in a committed relationship ever since. Bowie came into his life at 17, around the time where he was getting hard-ons watching very male swimmers on the telly (Lyall wanted him to watch every possible sport with him, to form some kind of connection). He loved them equally, but Bowie represented a big change in his life, a part of himself that he had spent too long not loving. 

Remus pulled out his phone to text Minerva, the owner of the bookshop he worked at, to let her know he was back in London. Before sitting down on his bed he reached into the bedside drawer and took out a bag of his favourite tobacco and nicotine blend (he reasoned he deserved it, after two weeks without a cig) and began rolling a couple of smokes. His phone buzzed, but it wasn't Minerva. He smiled.

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_15:32_

**-Did you get home safely, dear?**

- _Sure_.

**-You are impossible, Moony.**

_-I'm bitter and complicated, it makes me special._

**-You're also an English major.**

_-Yes._

**-I knew it.**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos make me happy


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use the f-slur in this chapter pretty loosely (between two lgbtq characters) please let me know if that's not okay, I don't want to offend anyone.
> 
> I post on Tumblr when I update- @itsboringblogs :*

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_15:47_

**-We have a problem here, Moony.**

_-No, you have a problem. I have a stranger with a lot of time on his hands._

**-So cold.**

**- Our problem, Moony, is that you never text me first.**

**-Starting to believe you're not as enthusiastic about our conversations as I am.**

_-I don't take offence to that._

_-There are only so many conversations to be held between two strangers._

**-That sounds like a challenge.**

_-It absolutely was not._

**-Hush.**

**-What are you doing?**

_-How is what I do of any significance to you._

_-I'm working._

**-At some small coffee shop, right?**

**-No, a record store.**

_-I'm actually a motor mechanic._

**-No you're not.**

_-A butcher._

**-You're vegetarian, aren't you?**

_-How am I the walking cliche here? You work at some bar, drive a motorcycle, wear a leather jacket and use the term 'lockerroom talk'._

**-You don't know the half of it.**

_-I also think you're a business major?_

**-Based on what grounds?**

_-Well, your honour, I believe you are a university student living in London, and you own a motorcycle, all on a bar salary?_

_-Something tells me your parents are loaded, and you're studying to one day take over the family business? Or is it law?_

**-Look at that! More than two words, incredible. Knew you had it in you, Moony.**

- _Was I correct?_

- **But business isn't very flamboyant, is it?**

_-No, but I can put two and two together._

_-Call it intuition._

**-Well, sorry to disappoint, but your intuition is failing you.**

_-Oh no! This has absolutely no consequence to my life whatsoever. I'm so upset._

**-Snarky.**

**-Shouldn't you be working right now? I imagine it's quite busy at the antique shop today.**

_-You're incorrigible._

**-I'm charming.**

_16:02_

**-I'm gonna tell you about my dream last night.**

_-Of course you are._

**-So, I'm in space. And I'm in this big spaceship all alone, and then suddenly, it starts filling with water. And I'm trying to find a way out. So, I find this compartment, that's some sort of lifeboat? I get in the compartment, and as soon as I close the door; it disconnects from the spaceship. And then I'm stuck in this tiny compartment, with no steering wheel, for all eternity.**

_-Oh my God, I had the exact same dream!_

**-REALLY?**

_-Are you crazy? Of course I didn't._

**-It takes a very broken, twisted soul to do what you do, Moony.**

_-Flattered._

* * *

Marlene

* * *

_17:22_

**-WHY ARE YOU NOT HOME WHEN I NEED YOU**

_-Work._

**-Ugh**

**-Cass still hasn't texted me back**

_-And how would my presence aid this dilemma of yours?_

**-I want fags**

_-That could really intend either meaning of the word._

_-I'll be home in an hour. If you didn't mean the slur, there is a pack on the kitchen windowsill._

**-Thanks for the fags, fag.**

_-You're hilarious._

**-Do you have plans tonight? I need you for something**

**-Actually, forget I asked, I know you don't**. **Can you PLEASE come with me to Las Deux?**

_-The gay club? Why?_

_-And rude. I was planning on meeting up with Andrew later._

**-Grocery store boy?**

**-This is more important than some dick appointment**

**-She posted that she was going to this like promotion event thing at Las Deux toniiiight**

_-Your obsession is becoming a bit too stalkerish at this point._

_-And I haven't had sex in a month, Marlene. It's not healthy._

**-Pretty please**

**-You might meet some fit dude at the club**

**-A buff Italian with an accent who reads Giorgio Caproni**

_-Do you really think ‘buff’ and Italian is my type?_

**-I know it’s your type. Don't lie.**

_-Is it letting you give in to your unhealthy obsessional behaviour if I agree?_

**-Probably**

**-We’ll leave at eleven**

* * *

He showered, shaved and brushed his teeth, all while enduring another one of Marlenes declarations of love for coffee girl. 'You don't understand Remus, she listens to Joni Mitchell, I _need_ her.'

Remus was secretly feeling very content seeing her like this, not just because he enjoyed her distress, but Marlene had always had a strict 'no-dating' policy. He himself was rather hesitant to adopt the same outlook on his love life at first, but after his first pathetic relationship, he understood the appeal. Seeing Marlene head over heels for someone was entertaining though, and he was excited to meet the girl who made his 'commitment is for straights and uggos'-Marlene fall into a pit of despair. Unlike some people in their lives, Remus and Marlene understood each others need for independence and reluctance to commit. Remus felt his life was messy enough as it was, with an overwhelming workload in uni plus the payments he was late with this month, because he had to take time off work to see his dad. Remus dealt with this on top of his regular financial problems, and it wore him down.

Remus felt he barely had time to feel sad about his dad, between it all. He was ill. Very ill actually, he had been for a while. Lyall had chosen the perfectly wrong moment to discover the cancer, it happened just as Remus was coming to terms with his sexuality. If he was hesitant on telling his parents then, his dad becoming terminally ill settled it.

He felt guilty of course. Guilty he couldn't be there more, guilty he couldn't help when he was, and guilty he let his normal life take his mind off of it.

"Are you wearing that?" Marlene eyed him with disapproval.

"Well, now I'm not." He pulled off the green sweater which, yes, he supposed wouldn't exactly be appropriate at a club. This was why he hated clubs. Sure, it was an easy way to find a shag, but he preferred bars. Bars had decent lighting and you could actually talk to people, plus no one gave you weird looks for wearing knitted sweaters.

"Just wear a t-shirt or something. Or do you wanna borrow something from me? It'll be tight, and therefor appropriate club-attire."

"When has the answer to that question ever been a yes?"

"Touché"

Remus ignored her as he rummaged through his drawer. He found a plain grey tee and held it up for her.

"Is this ok?"

"I was thinking something more..."

"Gay?" Remus sighed and returned to the drawer. "Hey, what's Cass short for anyway?"

"What? Oh, Dorcas," She answered, using Remus' mirror to put on at least seven earrings. The name sounded familiar, but he couldn't place it. Perhaps she had used it before and he hadn't taken notice. His hands found a black shirt with the faces of Queen.

"This gay enough?" Marlene approved and immediately rushed off to get out the vodka she kept underneath the sink. She returned with a grin.

"For the nerves," She said, and took one too many shots.

*

The club was loud. Like annoyingly so. Marlene was at his side, which he was thankful for, but knew that once she found her precious Dorcas, he would be stranded. 

"Hey, don't look like that." She nudged his side. "I'll buy us our drinks, okay? Cheer up babe, you're so hot tonight, you'll be fending these idiots off with sticks." Remus laughed at her.

"You already got me here, you can stop sucking up now."

"Hey!" Marlene grabbed his face with both hands and turned him towards her. Remus had to bow his head significantly to meet her eyes. "You are the prettiest man I know. If I was a sausage kind of girl, you'd be at the top of my list, okay? I mean it, now wait here." Marlene left him with a kiss on his cheek, and pushed her way through the crowd to get to the bar. In lack of other entertainment, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his Facebook. His cousin Petunia was encouraging her friends to 'remember that only one party cares about our Christian values, and God should always come first!', and then in a second post wrote about how her new drill was lifechanging. It was enough to exit the app. His finger hovered over 'Messages'.

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_23:34_

_-Here I am, texting you first._

**-It's better than I ever imagined.**

**-How was working at the library?**

_-I wouldn't know._

- **Always a mystery.**

**-Well, not that you asked, but I had an interesting afternoon.**

**-Prongs and I serenaded Mrs Prongs during a lecture and got kicked out of class.**

_-Surprising._

_-Let me ask, are you clinically insane or just incredibly annoying?_

**-Both, probably.**

_-Hm._

_-Before I can react to this, I need to know the song of choice._

**-Of course.**

**-Can't take my eyes off of you, timeless classic.**

_-Like Heath Ledger in 10 things I hate about you?_

**-Maybe.**

_-How did she react?_

**-She threw her book at him.**

_-Well, first of all, justified._

_-But I imagine if he looked anything like Heath Ledger she'd be fine with it._

**-We perfectly captured his allure, thank you.**

**-And what's so enticing about Heath Ledger anyway, the long brown hair or the overall badassery?**

_-It's the grin._

_-And the dimples._

**-Don't forget the leather jacket.**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos make me happy  
> rip heath ledger, he will always be my biggest celeb crush


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mention the song 'Love in the time of socialism' by yellow house in this chapter, do yourself a favour and check it out, SO good.

"Hello? Earth to Remus?" He looked up to see Marlene with four shots of what looked like fireball in her hands. She placed them in the table. "Who are you texting?"

"No one. Why did you get fireball? That's our weakness, Mar."

"I wanna get you good and drunk so I can get into your pants, silly. Now, drink up." And he did. And when she came back a second time, he did again. After almost a month of living without alcohol or sex, he was really craving both. It felt so good to finally be able to be unfiltered with his best friend, since being at his parents' house meant nothing but filtering himself. They found a standing table that was pretty secluded for a cramped nightclub. They stayed there for a while, and laughed together and held conversations on crude topics, vulgar and loud.

Marlene, being Marlene, wanted to dance, but it wasn't until after his seventh shot, Remus let himself be dragged onto the dancefloor. It was hot and unsanitary and absolutely amazing. Marlene got carried away and started dancing with tall blonde, who Remus thought didn't look gay at all, until he remembered where they were. Remus stood there awkwardly for a while before a dark man started dancing with him. The fact that Remus had now spent three whole songs on the dance floor was a testament to his lack of sobriety. The other man danced rather seductively, and left Remus feeling hot.

He felt a tug on his arm, and without sparing his dance partner a second glance, followed his friend back to their little table, miraculously still unattended. Remus had two more shots. Then, a beer, because he was drunk enough, but felt like holding something. He asked her why she hurried them away.

"I found her" Marlene half-shouted. Remus saw her chewing anxiously on her bottom lip.

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" She didn't react, and he realised how much she actually liked the girl they were here to see. "Tell you what, if you go over and talk to her, and she's stupid enough not to be interested, you and I will go home, pick up some vegan Thai and share some of my extra fun blend." His comforting words, and the promise of a fun night even if she did get rejected, seemed to brighten her mood. Marlene hugged his waist.

"Will you come with?"

"Sure, let's go." The pair made their way across the dark room. Remus felt more than tipsy at this point, but it was not an unwelcome feeling. Marlene must have spotted her because she made a sudden turn. They were approaching a table in the corner, where a dark skinned girl with purple strains braided into her hair, was talking animately with a man who had his back to them. Remus recognized her as coffee girl, and watched as she spotted Marlene and smirked.

"Marlene!"

"Dorcas, hey!" They engulfed in a hug, and started chatting easily. In any normal setting, Remus would greet her, but it seemed they were distracted by one another. In the corner of his eye, he saw that the man turned around, and Remus felt his eyes on him. He met his gaze, and Remus prayed to whatever God there was that his eyes didn't widen visibly. He was looking at art. Living and breathing art. He was tall, almost as tall as Remus, but only almost. And his eyes... His eyes were grey, unlike any Remus had ever seen before, the kind you lost yourself in. His hair was dark, and it fell down to his perfectly sharp jawline. Remus felt the need to run his fingers through it, and grip it. He was art. Remus thought he had never seen such a beautifully perfect, aesthetically pleasing specimen of man before. The man in front of him was running his eyes over Remus, and he had never before felt so thankful for not blushing easily. Remus flawless gaydar must be broken, because the stranger didn't _look_ gay (Which you would assume he was based on location). Not that every gay looked like they had just walked out of a Katy Perry music video, but Remus could usually tell (takes one to know one), but he wouldn't have pegged the man in front him as queer. It was then he noticed a silvery earing in his left earlobe. Good, Remus thought, definitely gay.

He had completely tuned out the conversation before him, but noticed the two women hurrying excitedly to the dancefloor. Remus eyes followed them as he hung back, and leaned his back against the wall.

"Seems like we've been deserted." The stranger said as he did the same. Remus insides coiled at the sound of his deep and stable voice.

"Seems like it," They watched as Marlene and Dorcas got handsy, and proceeded to make out on the dance floor. Remus scoffed as they did, thinking back on Marlene's paranoia earlier. The disturbing show was defiantly eye-catching, but didn't distract Remus from being acutely aware of the handsome stranger's presence. 

"So, I believe it's safe to assume that's not your girlfriend?"

"I should think her hair colour, and my everything, would've made that obvious." Remus deadpanned and turned to face him. He chuckled softly.

"You're holding a beer. It threw me off." The stranger smirked.

"I'm wearing a shirt with Freddie Mercurys face on it, any more hints and I'd be carrying my wrist. And, how many straight people make a habit of going to gay clubs?"

He put his hand on his chest in mock-offence. "How bold of you to assume I'm not straight."

"Oh yes, very bold. Nice earring, by the way." He grinned shamelessly in response and Remus thought he might just die, right then and there.

"I'll have you know I did that before I knew I was queer, alright?"

"You mean you did that before anyone else knew you were queer." Remus took a sip of his beer.

"Smartarse." He smirked, his eyes roaming shamelessly over Remus. His eyes darted to something over Remus' shoulder. His smirk faltered and he groaned loudly.

"What?"

"That guy has been dogging me half the night, apparently he 'knows someone in modelling' and wants my number." Remus snorted and laughed hard at that, fortunately, it was reciprocated. The other man's eyes glinted as he gave the most gorgeous smile.

"Poor pretty-boy." Remus smirked and turned around to see a lad looking irritatedly at him. Remus knew he was chatting up the best-looking guy in the club, hell the best-looking guy in this side of England, but the staring bloke wasn't half bad-looking. 'The best-looking guy in this side of England' placed his hand on Remus's shoulder with a whine to bring his attention back. He complied with a smirk.

"Look like your flirting with me." 

"I am flirting with you."

"Lucky me." He grinned. Remus scoffed at him.

"Judging by the number of blokes staring bitterly at me right now, I'd argue I'm the lucky one." His hand had fallen lower on Remus's arm, and he felt like his skin ignited at the contact.

"Because I'm pretty?" He asked cheekily. His shirt exposed a lot of skin and Remus spotted a jutting collarbone. He wanted more than anything to trail it with his tongue. 

"Hm, you're not bad."

"Not bad, eh? I thought you'd describe me quite differently" Remus raised his brow at him. "Ya'know, something along the lines of; devilishly handsome, great hair, outrageously sexy-”

”Incredibly modest.” Remus made him laugh, and my God was it worth it to see those perfect teeth. "No your face is just fine, but we’ll have to put a bag over that massive ego." 

"I can't help I have lads throwing themself at me." He joked, giving a smug look. They both gradually edged closer.

"Of course not" Remus played along, and peeked behind his own shoulder again. "He's pretty tough." 

"Trying to make me jealous? And he's not as pretty as you." 

"I'm pretty, huh?" Remus gave him a confident smirk. "Not 'outrageously sexy'?" Pretty-boy smiled.

"Oh brutally, astonishingly, eminently sexy" He placed both arms around Remus's neck.

"I don't think I've ever been called 'eminently sexy' before" He laughed.

"Oh, shut up" The man did it for him. They both grinned into a sudden kiss. The lips on his own were hot and soft, and seemed made for kissing. They kissed deeply. Remus's hand was eager to get lost in his soft hair, the other was on the man's waist to pull him as close as he could. Pretty-boy sighed into his mouth with such anticipation that made Remus blood rush. He was fiddling with the hem of Remus's shirt with one hand, the other was now grabbing his arse. The small, practically non-existent, height difference was perfect, this close it gave Remus the perfect angle to hold his sharp jawline. He felt a palm flat on his stomach, skin to skin, and suddenly wanted- no, needed- more skin to skin. Remus's lips travelled from the soft mouth to his sharp jawline, to the pulse on his throat. He felt intoxicated in more ways than one, and wanted to taste every part of the man in front of him. He sucked hard on an apparently sensitive spot, earning a groan into his ear. Remus practically growled against the skin, eagerness building by the second.

In the midst of his arousing moment of bliss, someone grabbed his wrist and pulled. Remus unwillingly lifted his head, and watched Marlene trying to drag him.

"What?" He shouted over the music rather irritatedly.

"Marlene wait!" Coffe girl was making her way towards them, which apparently wasn't wanted.

"Can we leave?" Marlene's voice was uncharacteristically weak. When he saw that she was close to tears, Remus gave the 'best-looking guy in this side of England' an expression he hoped said 'Give me a minute'. He nodded in response and released Remus. Remus let Marlene drag him away.

"Why do you want to leave? What's wrong?" He grabbed her shoulders to make her face him. Her eyes were shiny and Remus was immediately set on leaving the hottest man he'd ever seen, because Marlene never cried.

"She has a girlfriend."

* * *

**Padfoot**

* * *

_02.44_

**-Evening Mr Moony, are you up still?**

_-Unfortunately._

**-How's your night going?**

_-Exceeding the lowest of expectations. How's yours?_

**-You actually asked. Are you drunk?**

_-Possibly_

**-Drunk Moony is back, much awaited**

**-And I'm drunk too so now you're obligated to msg me until I get home safely**

_-I'm really not._

**-Do you wanna play a game**

_-...Is this a sexual thing?_

_-Like, you ask me what my favourite colour is, I say blue, and you dare me to send a dick pic?_

**-No! I'd ask what you're wearing first, like any decent pervert**

_-Oh good._

**-...So do you wanna play 20 questions?**

_-You..._

_-Everything you say makes me more and more convinced that you are actually fourteen._

**-Are you saying you're too mature for 20 questions?**

_-I mean yes, but fine. I'll play._

_-I'll blame it in the alcohol tomorrow though._

_-_ **It feels like Christmas**

**-I'll go first because I'm gentlemanly like that. What's your favourite colour?**

_-Har har._

**-I felt obligated. What's your favourite song?**

_-Of all time or at the moment?_

**-Either or.**

**-I'm really hoping it's Chiquitita.**

_-It's not Chiquitita._

_-Love in the time of socialism by yellow house._

**-Oh my God you're really making it hard not to stereotype you**

**-Give me four minutes and eleven seconds**

**-I feel like my life has changed**

_-It does that._

_-What's your favourite song then?_

**-Well that one now obviously**

**-Also I had a feeling you were the type to ask second-hand questions.**

_-It's eco-friendly._

**-Normally I wouldn't allow it, but I feel like your participation was a momentary lapse of judgement on your part and that I'm already on thin ice. So I'll let it slide.**

_-You are._

**-See, we know each other so well.**

**-And since I'm not giving second-hand answers, it's Laid by James.**

_-Do you only come when you're on top?_

**-I can feel you judging me. It's catchy.**

**-But if anyone asks my favourite song is Black Dog by Zepplin**

_-Right. The next time someone asks me what the favourite song of the random person I'm texting is, I'll definitely say Black Dog by Led Zepplin._

**-Thank you Moony, knew I could trust you**

_-May I ask why, or is it for pretentious purposes?_

**-It's a joke, kind of. If you knew my name you'd understand.**

_-I can only begin to imagine what I'm missing_

**-One day I'll get sick of your snarky attitude you know**

**-Favourite Bowie persona?**

_-That is actually a good question._

**-I try**

_-Are we judging by music or looks?_

**-Let's do them as two separate categories**

_-Alright. Hottest; the thin white duke. Best music; Honkey dory._

**-The duke... come on Moony**

_-What can I say, I have a thing for aristocratic psychos_

_-And station to station was different. I like it._

**-Well, I'll go for Ziggy Stardust for both. And no I won't be taking any criticism.**

_-I have none to give._

_-Are you queer?_

**-Why would you ask that?**

_-Ziggy_

**-Judgemental, Moony**

**-And no, I'm not**

_-Hm._

**-What?**

**-Wait are you queer?**

_-I thought you said no second-hand questions._

**-I am my own worst enemy**

**-Do you have sex with women?**

_-Smooth._

_-I've had sex with women, yes._

_-Greatest band of all time?_

**-Queen**

_-Re: Flamboyant._

**-You don't like Queen?**

_-I like Queen._

**-Good, you had me reconsidering our relationship for a second there**

_-Well, we can't have that._

**-What's your name?**

_-No._

**-Figured.**

**-Where do you live?**

_-Right._

**-Just tell me if you live in London and I'll drop it forever**

_-I seriously doubt that._

_-I live in London._

**-...**

**-I'm excited**

* * *

"Hey!" Marlene flung her chopstick at him. "No texting. We're doing girls-suck-and-I-don't-need-one-night"

"Right, sorry." He pocketed his phone and dug into his vegan thaifood.

"Were you texting that guy from the club?"

"No, I didn't get his number. He was hot though wasn't he?"

"Um yes? Are you kidding, he looked like a perfume model. Shame you didn't get it."

"Yeah... So he's Dorcas friend?"

"Yeah" Marlene took a deep sip of her red wine (which didn't go with the choice of comfort food at all, but alcohol is alcohol). "He was here on new years, if I knew he was gay I would've given him your number or something." Remus opened his mouth to speak, but she could apparently read his mind. "And no I'm not asking Dorcas for his number. I've already blocked her everywhere."

"That's fine. Wait, was he the guy that you texted about? On new years, the 'hottest maaan I've ever seeeeeen'"

"Hm, well I don't remember much but he must've been, right?"

"Mm. So you're really not gonna see her again?" Dorcas hadn't mentioned until tonight that she was in a long-distance relationship that allowed her to see other people. Marlene pouted, and looked so much like a child, with her glass of wine in her hand as a sippy cup, and the cigarette in her other as a pacifier.

"No, I told you, she has a girlfriend."

"But they're in an open relationship. That means you get sex with no commitment, I'm pretty sure I've heard you describe that as literal heaven."

"Yeah, well," She looked frustrated. "She lied. I didn't know she was in a relationship with some other woman, did I?"

"I mean no, but... Mar, would you have wanted to be in a relationship with her instead?" She mumbled a 'no' bitterly and frowned. Remus knew she was lying. It was strange, she had never really lied to Remus before, but... perhaps she was mostly lying to herself, Remus thought.

They finished their nighttime meal without mentioning Dorcas again, and by the time they were ready for bed the bottle of wine was empty, not much to Remus's doing. As Marlene headed for her bedroom Remus told her that she could talk to him about it, if she was still upset. She responded with a quick 'I'm fine' and disappeared.

It was around four-thirty at night when Remus decided to have a shower. He was already feeling hungover and wanted to wash off the sweat from the club. As he stood under the hot water his mind wandered back to the loud and dark room from earlier. His mind replayed the feeling of having **_him_** watching Remus hungrily. He really was the most beautiful human Remus had ever seen, and he didn't even get his name. After a few minutes of relishing in the hot memories, Remus was, to no ones surprise, hard at the thought of the other man. After a month of no sex and barely being able to wank when he felt like it (because his bedroom door didn't have a lock, thanks mom) he was somewhat sexually frustrated, to say the least. Remus pictured those soft and hot lips around himself, as he stroked slowly under the stream of scolding water. He thought of the taste of the other man's mouth, the scent of his skin and the feeling of gripping his hair tightly. He came in no time with a groan he hoped Mar didn't catch.

Remus knew she hadn't when he exited the bathroom and was met with the blue voice of Joni Mitchell. 

* * *

Marlene

* * *

_05.12_

_-I know you said that you were fine, but you've been playing Both Sides Now for twenty minutes straight, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it?_

_05.27_

_-I left an extra fun smoke by your door, get some sleep will you?_

- **I** **will**

**-Thanks Remus**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos make me happy  
> 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First phone call! The voice on the phone (aka Sirius in this case) is cursive- sorry if that's confusing.

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_(06:30)_

**-Gooood morning Moons**

_-No_

**-Not a morning person huh**

_-Shyt up_

**-Wow a legit spelling error**

**-I am up**

**-And awake**

**-at 6:30!!**

**-6:30, Moons**

_-I fucking gathered._

**-Attitude**

**-I woke you? Why arent you ignoring me**

_-I haven't gone to sleip yet._

**-Bad hangover?**

_-No it's the sexual frustration._

_-_ **Oh raunchy Moony**

-I **t was my talk of ziggy that did it, wasn't it?**

_-I despise you_

**-You're not usually _this_ cranky**

_-I am before the sun rises_

**-Noted.**

_(09:00)_

**-The sun had risen and so should you**

_(13:14)_

_-I rise._

**-Did you just wake up?**

**-I thought you were a responsible swot**

_-I'm sure your entire world is shaken._

- **It is, do you want to know why?**

_-When do I ever._

**-Well, I'll tell ya Moons. You see, this arsehole I've been texting actually lives in my city.**

_-Wasn't aware it was your city._

**-It is, but I'll let you stay because you're so pretty**

_-Thank you endlessly._

**-You're quite welcome**

**-So**

_-So?_

**-Should we talk about your sexual frustration**

_-I hate you_

_-I hate me_

**-It's natural Moons.**

_-So is murder._

**-Yes but you wouldn't murder me**

**-Because I'm so pretty**

_-I'll mount your stuffed head on the wall._

**-It would look rather dashing**

**-Make sure it's above the bed**

_-Do you want me to have performance issues?_

**-Excuse you, it would be like viagra**

_-Are you actually attractive?_

_-I feel like it's mentioned too often for it not to be true._

**-My mum says I'm pretty**

_-You'd be an idiot not to trust her._

**-Are you attractive?**

_-I'm hungry._

**-Thirsty you mean**

_-Har har._

**-You left me on read last night**

_-Oh my, I hope I've not upset you terribly._

**-I'll survive**

**-Barely**

**-But we were in the middle of a game and I do find it quite unsportsmanly of you to up and leave**

_-I had a wank in the shower, it was more important._

**-You're making me all hot and bothered here Moony**

_-Surely._

**-When was the last time you had sex?**

_-Is this another game of twenty questions?_

**-It's the same game. It cannot be finished until said twenty questions have been asked.**

_-You seem very passionate about rule-following._

**-I always am when it workes in my favour.**

**-Answer the question Moony**

_-Too long ago._

**-Can't be that bad.**

_-I spent almost an entire month at my parents' house_

_-And my childhood bedroom doesn't have a lock_

**-Oh no**

_-Yes. So my frustration is valid._

**-But how long**

_-Since I left for my parents_

**-But that was just a month ago?**

_-Yes._

**-Slag**

_-Prude._

**-That's nothing Moony**

_-Nothing?_

_-When was the last time you had sex, then?_

**-At least three months ago, you don't see me complaining about it**

_-Hm._

_-Maybe you're not as attractive as your mother says you are._

**-Slander**

_-Any reason?_

**-That's a second question, it's my turn**

_-Yes, god forbid we actually conversed as normal people._

**-Hush**

**-You very non-subtly avoided my question last night**

_-Sure. Which one?_

**-When I asked if you have sex with women**

_-Oh. Right._

_-I'm gay as fuck, Padfoot._

**-Oh**

**-Good**

**-You make so much more sense now**

_-I'm glad?_

_-Is it my turn now?_

**-Yes**

_-Why haven't you had sex in two months, if you're so un-earthly hot?_

**-It's kinda complicated I guess**

**-Kinda got out of a messy... almost-relationship and**

**-Well let's just say it was messy and they... I don't know, I was just a little confused?**

_-Hm. Well, it sounds like you avoided a bad relationship then?_

**-Oh yeah definitely. It wouldn't have worked out**

_-Did she cheat?_

**-Um, ~~he~~ yeah**

**-Yeah she kinda cheated. But I'm over it. It was a momentary lapse of sanity or something**

_-Doesn't have to be a lapse of sanity, you just make bad decisions when your thinking with your dick._

**-You're so wise**

_-That I am._

**-I have to get back to work because my co-worker is throwing things at me.**

**-I'll miss you**

_-I won't._

**-How my heart aches with unrequited love**

_(17:55)_

**-I've been working for twelve hours. Please kill me.**

_-Gladly._

**-I wasn't expecting so much enthusiasm.**

_-I like exceeding expectations._

_-Why have you been working for twelve hours?_

**-I'll tell ya Moony. You see, I'm a great friend. So when my mate is busy losing a football tournament I cover for him.**

_-Well, I'd call you a great friend, but you already did that._

**-What are you doing this fine Saturday night then**

_-My dick appointment cancelled on me, so I don't know. Masturbating probably._

**-Since when are you so crude**

_-Since always, you only now have the pleasure of witnessing it_.

**-Pleasure indeed**

**-So is that your entire Saturday? Masturbating?**

_(21:12)_

_-Yes._

**-I thought you had abandoned me forever**

_-I made dinner._

**-What's cooking in Moonys kitchen**

_-Why did you put it like that._

_-Instant noodles._

**-Such fine cuisine**

**-Did it take you two hours**

_-You severely overestimate how much I prioritize texting you._

**-Well that's just mean**

_-My roommate is getting me drunk, I tend to get cranky when I'm pissed._

**-Oooh I like drunk moony**

**-I'm drunk too, Prongs wanted to celebrate national hat day.**

_-And the obvious way to do that is to get plastered._

**-Of course.**

**-Any reason they're intoxicating you against your will?**

_-She needs alcohol to mend her broken heart and decided I need to participate?_

_-Because otherwise it would be 'sad' and also she needs me to stop her from drunk-texting._

**-You're a good friend too Moony**

**-Or you would be, but you're texting me instead of offering your shoulder to cry on.**

_-You're one to talk where is your hat-day spirit._

**-Well he forgot to get the hats so now I'm thoroughly disappointed in him.**

**-Still waiting for your excuse**

_-She's jacking off in her room._

**-Well, I could still think of some ways you might be able to assist her in her time of need**

**-Also does your entire flat just reek of sex**

_-Firstly, she is a lesbian. And even if she wasn't I'd rather avoid being in close proximity of a vagina ever again_

_-Second, no. It reeks of fags._

**-I called crippling addiction, didn't I moony**

_-Now it reeks of pot._

**-You're high?**

_-Getting there._

**-Alright, I'll get high with you**

_-Don't you have, I don't know, some_ _motorbiking to do?_

**-I have zero motorbiking to do**

**-I do, however, have a bag of weed waiting for me**

_-Right. Don't let me stop you._

**-Shall we resume our game now**

_-You're like a dog with a bone._

**-You don't know the half of it.**

**-When was your last relationship?**

- _Bold of you to assume I've been in one._

**-Haven't you?**

_-I suppose at one time I was involved with someone and our involvement could have been classified as a relationship._

**-I thought you were drunk and high**

_-I am._

**-How are you so eloquent right now**

**-But please, provide me with all the juicy details**

_-It was half a year ago. That's your answer._

**-You're no fun**

_-I've been told._

**-So I take it you're not the relationship type?**

_-You're really bending the rules of this game._

_-But no, I'm not._

**-I'm starting to think you're attractive and aren't telling me.**

_-What exactly gave you that impression?_

**-Well, first of all, you just give off big dick energy**

_-How are you gayer than me_

**-Second, you seem to have a lot of sex whilst being single**

**-You're hot aren't you**

_-I don't know how to respond to that._

**-Are you tall?**

_-Yes._

**-How tall?**

_-Tall enough._

**-Tall enough too...?**

_-To reach the top shelf._

**-You're really painting me a picture here**

**-Come on tell me what you look like**

_-Why._

_-And you do realize I can lie without facing any consequence._

**-I have a feeling you wouldn't need to lie.**

**-Come ooon moons**

_-This feels like a thinly veiled sext attempt._

**-What are you wearing ;;;;**

_-You should be castrated._

**-You're not the first person to tell me that**

**-I'm too drunk to text, can** **I call u instead?**

**-I know it's a big step in our relationship but I feel like we're ready.**

_-Yeah fine._

* * *

His familiar ringtone (Pretty girl rock) was loud. Remus settled himself on the kitchen windowsill before answering. "Hello, Padfoot."

 _"Um okay, Moony has a sexy voice."_ Remus couldn’t help but laugh a little. The voice on the other end of the phone was deep and sultry, Remus felt his insides go funny as he detected the smirk in his tone.

"You are so fucking tiring." The smile on his face was probably noticeable in his voice.

 _"It's all deep and mysterious, mm I like it._ " Padfoot replied evenly.

Remus sighed. “You are by far the gayest straight guy I know.”

“ _I am known to be rather flamboyant. But moving on to more pressing matters,_ ”

"If you say twenty questions-"

" _Our game is yet to-_ " They spoke at the same time and Padfoot gasped in mock-offence. " _You don't deserve my sportsmanship, Moony._ "

"I'm devastated." 

Padfoot scoffed, but it came out as a laugh. " _Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Moony._ "

"You are the lowest form of wit, Padfoot- No, I cannot call you Padfoot out loud-"

" _Is this your very not-subtle way of asking me for my name?_ "

"This is my way of avoiding sounding like a child."

" _I'll show you mine if you show me yours?_ " The obvious smirk on the other end made Remus’ lips quirk in amusement.

"Everything is an innuendo with you."

" _Oi! I am not the one who's obsessed with sex here."_

Remus groaned in response. "I am never telling you anything again. I'm serious."

" _Oh, you love me really._ " He said, sounding smug. " _But fine, I'll tell you my name, but be warned- it is the stupidest name you will ever hear._ "

"No fucking way." Remus interrupted, rather loud and confidently. "There is no way, on this planet earth, that your name is worse than mine."

" _Is that so? I'm not too sure-_ "

"I am. I'll bet you my life savings that mine is worse."

" _Your life savings huh?_ "

"Yeah, so like twenty pounds."

" _Stakes are getting high here... Tell you what, I'll tell you my name if you can guess it._ "

"Oh my god, are you actually fucking twelve-"

" _Hey-_ "

"And you wouldn't be telling me your name if I guessed it, would you?"

_"Fine, you soul-sucking heathen, I'll confirm it if you get it right."_

"...Alright fine, but same goes for you, and then you'll never know it."

" _You underestimate me, I like a challenge. We'll be allowed to ask questions of course._ "

"Hm, twenty of them, perhaps?"

_"I can actually hear the eye-roll-"_

"I don't think I've played fucking twenty questions since eighth grade."

" _You have a real foul mouth in real life you know."_

"Shut up"

 _"It's hot."_

Remus felt stupid for almost blushing at the tone. "Shut up more"

 _"Mmh you sound hot when you're angry."_ He replied sinfully.

"Poof."

" _You're making fun of me._ "

"Me? Never." He returned dryly.

 _"Alright fine, arsehole, give me a fucking clue._ " It sounded like he was grinning ear-to-ear.

"No, I'll go first, I asked first."

" _Alright, well your clue is that I've already said my first and last name once via text._ " There was a beat of silence.

"What the fuck-"

" _Alright my turn_."

"Uhm" Remus scratched the back of his head, collecting his thought whilst mentally combing through their text conversations. "Your clue is... wolf."

" _Wolf._ "

"That's what I said."

"... _Does this have anything to do with your nickname? Are you a werewolf?"_

"Yeah, but that's unrelated. I got moony from mooning a police car."

" _Alright, I'll circle back to that statement later. Wolf. Is it Latin?"_

"Yes."

" _Is your name Lupus, if so I'm very fucking sorry-_ "

"What the- do you speak Latin??" Remus asked, startled.

" _Oh there is so much you don't know about me._" He replied slyly. " _But surely that would be your last name?_ "

"It's not Lupus but it's pretty fucking close, and yes it would be my last name."

" _Gimme a clue for your first name then"_

 _"_ Wolf. _"_

_"I'm sensing a theme."_

Remus bit back a smile. "Give me more clues for yours, this isn't fair."

_"I did kind of give you a hint once with my favourite song..."_

"Is your name James?" 

_"I hate you."_

"Fine, black dog... Is your name Fido?"

_"You're very funny."_

"Buddy? Max? Buster?"

_"I'm starting to regret this game."_

"Good."

_"Does your first name mean wolf or is it wolf-related?"_

"Wolf-related. I can give you another hint but then I'll be expecting more help in return-"

_"Yeah, yeah go on."_

"...It's from Roman mythology."

The other man laughed loudly. _"Ooh it just keeps getting worse."'_

"Fuck you. Give me a hint. A good one."

_"Okay, um... Alright, you've said my first and last name during this conversation."_

"Are you serious?"

He laughed again, even louder this time. _"Yes."_

"What?!" Remus tried his best not to sound too amused, but his laugh was highly contagious. "How is that possible? Is it Fido- please tell me it's Fido?"

 _"It's not Fido, and no, it's not Buster either."_ Remus was about to retort when Marlene entered the kitchen, looking impossibly even more dishevelled than when she left. Marlene stared at him and mouthed something.

"Hold on, Fido."

 _"Oh fuck off-"_ Remus removed the phone from his ear and put it to his chest.

"What's up?" He asked the very restless looking Marlene.

"I'm calling her and asking her to come over, thought I'd warn you." She shrugged and pulled out her own phone. Remus was quick to stand up and attempt to take it out of her hands.

"No, Marlene, you told me to stop you, remember?"

"I don't care." She manoeuvred her phone to avoid Remus' hand again.

"I thought you blocked her everywhere?" He grabbed her wrist but she wriggled herself free.

"I lied." She began swiping at her phone.

"Mar..."

"...I miss her, alright?" Her hand stilled as she mumbled. Remus felt awful seeing her like this.

"I know Mar but-"

"No!" She slapped away his hand after a third attempt at stealing her phone. Remus sighed and held her by her shoulders, looking solemnly at her.

"Dorcas has a girlfriend." He reminded her slowly. "You're not fine with that." Marlene took her bottom lip between her teeth and broke eye-contact immediately. She had been crying. Remus knew he had to help her somehow, maybe this time without drugs. He held up his own phone. "Hey, I gotta go, talk to you later yeah?" He took the phone away from his ear.

_"Wait, Moony-"_

Remus hung up quickly and gave Merlene a hug. She put her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. "You'll be fine, Mar." He said softly, resting his chin on her head. 

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_(23:24)_

**-Moony??**

**-Did you say Dorcas?**

**-Is Marlene your roommate??**

**-Moony!!!! ARE YOU MARLENES ROOMATE??**

* * *

_(2) Missed call from **Padfoot**_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos make me happy :P
> 
> Don't come at me bc they don't recognize each other's voices- they were drunk + it was loud in the club, I'm gonna let myself get away with it lol
> 
> also if you spot spelling errors or something don't hesitate to point it out please hehe


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to write it in originally- but Dorcas's relationship is long-distance. It's mentioned now in chapter 6.
> 
> MY TUMBLR WAS DELETED I-
> 
> My new one is also @itsboringblogs - I post on there when I update:s  
> sry for the inconvenience

_Sirius p.o.v_

* * *

Moony

* * *

_(23:24)_

**-** **Moony??**

**-Did you say Dorcas?**

**-Is Marlene your roommate??**

**-Moony!!!! ARE YOU MARLENES ROOMATE??**

* * *

Dorcas

* * *

_(23:26)_

**-MEADOWS**

**-DORCAS**

**-DORK**

_-I thought we agreed on dropping dork_

**-THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR SUCH TRIVIAL MATTERS**

**-Have you met Marlenes roommate???**

**-** What's this about?

**-ANSWER THE QUESTION**

_-I told you I don't like talking about Marlene_

_-But obviously I have? I was with you_

**-What?? With me when?**

_-When you met Marlenes roommate?_

**-WHAT**

**-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT**

_-You were not that drunk Sirius, you told me it was the best and most memorable snog of your life_

_-I believe your exact words were 'straight to the spank bank'?_

**-You're fucking kidding.**

**-OHMYGOD** **.**

**-THAT was Marlenes roommate??**

_-Yes?_

_-Sirius are you ok?_

**-YES. IM FUCKING GRAND.**

**-Are you sure that was him? Like 1000%?**

_-Yeah she told me when she ran into me that night_

_-I mean I didn't actually meet him, I don't think I even got his name_

_-I was a little distracted_

**-Right**

**-Thanks!!!!!!!**

_-Actually, can I run something by you?_

**-Of course honeybunch**

_-No_

_-Soo_

_-Rachel is coming back soon, just for a few days_

**-That's... good, right?**

_-Yes, it is_

_-She hasn't been back home since Halloween_

_-I'm just... I don't know_

**-You're just what?**

_-I'm not really sure what to do_

_-I feel fucking horrible Sirius but I just... I don't think I want to see her..._

_-Fuck_

**-Hey, it's ok**

**-It's ok to feel that way. You can't control it**

_-I don't know I feel so guilty_

_-Fuck we've been together since we both came out, it's basically a lifetime_

**-Do you want to know what I think?**

_-...yeah_

**-I think that you smile more when she's not here than you do when she is**

**-I think you smiled more with Marlene**

_-Sirius not this again..._

**-Yes this again. Look, that night at new years, you were like this whole other person.**

**-I've never seen you like that before, you were practically glowing, alright?**

**-And then you got scared of how you felt so you made the very mature decision of avoiding her**

_-Sirius it doesn't matter now. She hates me, alright?_

**-She doesn't hate you, she thinks you're with someone else**

_-I am!_

**-Yes but you don't want to be, do** **you?**

_-I_

_-It's not that simple_

**-It is that simple, Cass.**

**-You tell me you're leaving her every time you're drunk, and then you act like it never happened.**

**-And I think you're talking to me now because you want me to convince you of what you already know**

_-Sirius..._

_-I would break her heart_

**-Maybe, but it isn't fair to stay with her out of pity, is it?**

* * *

_Remus p.o.v_

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_(23:24)_

**-Moony??**

**-Did you say Dorcas?**

**-Is Marlene your roommate??**

**-Moony!!!! ARE YOU MARLENES ROOMATE??**

_(10:33)_

_-What the fuck?_

_-Yes?_

_-Is this some joke of yours?_

**-MOONY CALL ME RIGHT NOW**

* * *

_"MOONY OMG- THE ONE FUCKING TIME YOU CHOOSE TO GO TO BED EARLY I-"_

"Calm the fuck down, would you?" Remus had only woken up five minutes ago, having someone scream in his ear wasn't ideal.

_"YOU'RE GONNA FREAK THE FUCK OUT WHEN I TELL YOU MOO-"_

"Shut. the. fuck. up." He closed his eyes and let his forearm cover them. "I need you to stop screaming."

_"Okay. Sorry. Moony, are you sitting down?"_

"I'm laying down actually, I just woke up and you started screaming at me-"

_"Yes, we've established- I scream. Now, are you ready for some information that will shock you to your very core?"_

Remus sighed. "Lay it on me."

 _"Okay,"_ He took a breath, apparently trying to formulate a sentence with much difficulty. _"I- Well, actually I should probably explain something first."_ Padfoot went quiet again.

"Yes?"

 _"Yes, right, so... Remember when you asked me if I was, um, queer-and, and I said no, yeah that wasn't actually- or not that I'm... fuck it's just it's a bad habit or- no not a bad habit I just- I thought it was..._ _I've never known anyone that was... um, and it-"_

"Padfoot." Remus interrupted, his voice even more tired than before. "You are making zero sense."

 _"Right, sorry. Well, um I..." He took a breath before speaking in a quieter voice than before. "Heh, don't actually know how to say this."_ He chuckled uncomfortably.

"...Say what?" Remus asked carefully.

 _"...I uh, I like men."_ He said, obviously still avoiding the word.

"Oh." Remus' eyebrows rose. "Okay." An uncertain silence followed until Remus interrupted it. "Why didn't you say so before?"

 _"Ehm, well, I didn't really... well I guess I did know, but just... didn't want to admit it, I guess..."_ He coughed, trying to sound casual. _"My family's very..."_ He trailed off, not sounding up to finish the sentence.

"You don't have to explain yourself, I get it."

_"Yeah?"_

"Yeah, I mean, my parents don't know about me." He replied guardedly.

_"They don't?"_

"No, though I reckon they'd be ok with it, eventually at least."

 _"Yeah, my family would most definitely not be fine with it."_ He tried a laugh but it was clearly forced. _"Anyway, that's not what I called you for-"_

"I called you-"

_"I called to-"_

"-Wait,"Remus interrupted, remembering the messages he'd woken up to. "you called about Marlene, do you know her??" 

Padfoot hurried a sigh. _"Well, if you'd let me finish-"_

Remus groaned. "It's too early for your shit just get to it-" He tried to sound harsh but there was a smile on his lips.

 _"Hey!"_ He yelled, with an equally evident smile. _"I just came out to you, show some sympathy, would you?"_

"Oh please, Padfoot, **I** could've told you you were queer, alright?"

_He was trying to conceal a laugh. "Oh, here he goes, with the 'flamboyant', acting like-"_

"I have an excellent gay-dar you git, and lemme tell you- it went ballistic as soon-"

 _"Oh 'perfect gay-dar' have you? Ya' could've told me I was a bloody queer a little sooner then."_ Their banter came to a halt, before they burst into laughter. The laughter shifted into chuckles until Padfoot spoke, with a sort of smirk of his face. _"And I could tell you were gay pretty fucking early too-"_

"Well," Remus urged pointedly, "that's a lie, you-"

_"-But you were holding a beer, it threw me off."_

"-had no idea until- Wait, what?" 

_"What?" The voice on the other end asked innocently._

Remus paused. "What did you just say?"

 _"Oh, nothing," He answered cooly. "- just that it was lucky you were wearing Freddie Mercury's face, otherwise I might've never known."_ His voice was amused. Remus felt the clogs of his brain go into overdrive. Was he... No, he couldn't be... But...

"No." He breathed. "No. You are not-" His words were failing him because, what the fuck was going on? "No fucking way." 

_"Yes, fucking way."_ The voice said, covering his excitement.

Remus huffed. "No, this is some fucking prank of yours, there is no way-"

 _"How many Dorcases do you know?_ He interrupted casually.

"I- What?"

 _"I asked- how many Dorcases you know?"_ He paused, presumably for effect. _"Because I only know one-"_

Something clicked in Remus's brain, and he made a sort of 'oh' sound. "Oh my god... " His eyes widened. "You were trying to-

_"-get my hand up Dorcas Meadows skirt"_

"-get your hand up Dorcas Meadows skirt" They spoke at the same time, slowly so Remus brain could catch up. He gasped. "She's your lesbian!"

_"Marlene's your lesbian!"_

"I- This is insane." Remus stated, astounded.

Padfoot finally gave in to the excitement he was trying to hold back. _"I KNOW ITS CRAZY I WAS FREAKING OUT-"_

"No, it's like actually absurd, how remote is the likelihood of-"

_"-AND I HAD NO ONE TO TALK TO-"_

"-It's not even one in a million-"

_"-CUS YOU WENT TO FUCKING BED AND LEFT ME ALL-"_

"-How the fuck did this happen?"

_"I KNOW ITS BAT-SHIT!"_

"I... I need to process this... whatthefuck" He breathed, not believing the fluke. It was quiet for a while.

_"Moony?"_

"I..." His mouth was suddenly very dry. "...I need tea." Remus stood and padded into his kitchen. It was quiet on the other end and Remus still felt dumbfounded as he put the kettle on. He took out a mug and added an obscene about of honey, whilst processing the latest revelation.

Finally, after what must've been a good five minutes, he spoke.

"So."

_"So."_

"What the fuck?" His voice was light, as if he was asking for the time.

 _"Indeed."_ Padfoot joined in, easily. Then, added slyly, _"I knew you were hot."_

Remus snorted into his mug, because _really_. "'My mum says I'm pretty' fuck off."

 _"Oh? Was that assessment not accurate?"_ He teased, because there was no denying that the man on the other end, the man from that night, was absolutely gorgeous. 

"Shut up."

_"Mh, hot-"_

"You went through my record collection." Remus interrupted quickly.

_"What? Oh that's right!"_

"You just now made that connection?" Remus asked accusingly.

 _"Your room is messy."_ He returned, instead of answering.

Remus groaned. "I can't believe you've actually been in my apartment-"

_"There were chocolate wrappers on the floor, Moony. I remember because I almost fucking slipped on one-"_

Remus snickered loudly at that. "Well, then they're good for something." Padfoot huffed. "I'm gonna need your name now, you know." Remus continued.

_"Is that so, Romulus Lupus?"_

Remus bit back a smile. "You really think my parents would be cruel enough to name me Romulus?"

_"It must be Remus then?"_

"Unfortunately."

_"Fuck, I knew it! I just didn't think they'd name you after the one who died."_

"Well, they hardly did me any favours either way."

_"You know, it's not actually that bad"_

"My last name is Lupin."

_"Yeah ok, that's worse."_

Remus hummed in agreement, taking a sip of his tea. "So how'd you figure it out?"

_"Oh, once you mentioned roman mythology it was easy."_

"Easy, huh? You know, you're one of the only people who actually get where it's from."

 _"People are uncultured,"_ He said, in a dismissive fashion. _"you haven't actually sucked on a wolfs tit, though?"_

"No I have, it's how I became a werewolf."

_"Oh, of course. So do your parents have some weird wolf obsession or something?"_

"Mm, you'd think. My dads' name is Lyall, which me-

_"-means wolf"_

"Wh- Why do you know that?? It's not Latin, which you apparently speak for some fucking reason-"

_"Are you surprised that I'm smart?"_

"-Who the fuck speaks Latin?"

_"Well I hardly ever speak it, I know it but-"_

"Exactly why, may I ask, do you speak the one fucking language no one else speaks?"

_"Would it upset you even more to know I also speak French?"_

Remus's voice was hoarse as he spoke, taking his tea down the wrong pipe. "Wha- Yes!" He had a thing for French, especially when it was spoken in bed.

_"...I speak Italian too"_

"Oh fuck off." How the fuck was this man real? "What, did you get private schooling or something?"

_"Uh yeah, or I mean, I went to boarding school, but yeah I got private education when I was home, too."_

"Ah, great. You're rich."

_"My birth family's rich"_

Remus decided not to ask about the 'birth family', or the obvious distasteful tone. "Hm, french is a fucking sexy language though."

_"Mm? C'est ça? C'est bon à savoir..."_

"Don't, you'll give me a boner." He stated dryly.

 _"Ouais? Tu trouves que c'est sexy, Remus?"_ He asked cheekily, sounding satisfied with himself.

"This isn't fair. You should be telling me your fucking name."

_"Oh but why should I-"_

"I've had my fucking tongue down your throat, I'm pretty sure that grants me first name privileges."

_"Yes but, as welcome as your tongue was, I stand by the sanctity of our game."_

"WhydoIeventryyouareachild." Remus groaned in a breath. "Fine. Is your name French?"

_"No."_

"Italian?"

_"No."_

"Latin?"

_"No."_

"Padfoot! I'm gonna need some help here."

_"Okay fine, my first name is greek I think but that's not how you figure it out. And my last name is English."_

"Like that's helpful at all- Wait!" Remus swiftly left the kitchen, armed with a brilliant idea.

 _"What?"_ Remus ignored him and knocked on Marlene's door, even though he opened it without an answer. Marlene was still asleep so he shook her, rather aggressively.

"Eughm" She mumbled into her pillow, irritated to be woken.

"Mar" He called, still shaking her limp body.

"Wha' 'he fuh'" She forced one of her eyes open and scowled. "Arsehole."

_"Hey! You can't ask her, that's cheating!"_

Remus continued to ignore the voice from his phone."You know that guy who was here at new years?"

"Wha?"

"You know, the one I met at Las Deux?"

 _"The one you sucked faces with."_ Padfoot chimed in dryly.

Marlene stared at him like waking her was committing the worst of crimes. "Remus, it's like eight am."

"It's the afternoon."

"Ok, so it's my eight am."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Just answer the question and I'll leave."

 _"DONT TELL HIM MARLENE."_ Remus winced at the screaming and held the phone further from his ear.

"Who is that?" Marlene asked, watching his phone.

"His names Buster. Do you know or not?"

"Ehh. Wait which one was this?"

"You know the one who we talked about, you know... the-ah..." Remus scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

Marlene's eyes lit up. "Oh! The hottest man you've ever seen?"

A surprisingly loud voice came from the device in his hand. _"HA!"_

"You said that! I did not say-"

Marlene chuckled. "No, that's right, you said he had a fuckable mouth."

"Mar!"

The sound of someone wheezing with laughter came from the phone, and Remus felt tempted to throw it across the room.

"What? We said he looked right out of a perfume commercial-"

"Do you know his fucking name or not?"

"Alright, alright. Fuck I was pissed that night, eh I think it was.. um John?... NO, it was James!!!!"

"Thank you" He yelled to her, walking out of her room.

_"Before you get all excited-"_

"ITS FUCKING JAMES-"

_"It's not James, your friend is an alcoholic. James is my mate who was with me."_

"Ugh." He groaned and returned to the kitchen, only a tiny bit embarrassed.

_"How the fuck doesn't she remember my name? I mean all of me is very memorable-"_

"Don't-"

_"-well you would know, one doesn't forget about my fuckable mouth very easily, right?"_

Remus sighed. "I am very tempted to hang up on you right now."

_"Ah, don't lie to yourself, you wanna keep talking to the hottest man you've ever seen."_

"I did not say that," Remus replied evenly. "We're dropping this conversation now."

 _"Sure, we'll come back to discussing my fuckable mouth later."_ He put emphasis on his curse words, and it affected Remus in ways he wouldn't like to admit.

"We very much will not. You're gonna give me something to figure out your fucking name."

The man sighed. _"Don't laugh." He said, and continued reluctantly. "My family has a theme to the names they give."_

"Right. I'll probably laugh."

_"...Its astrology."_

"Astrology. Like they name you after constellations and stuff?

_"Constellations, stars, galaxies-"_

"Oh, that is good." He said, not bothering to hide his amusement.

_"Fuck you."_

Remus thought for a second. Something dog-related... "So yours must have something to do with canis major, yes?" 

_"...Yes"_ He admitted glumly.

Remus only knew the name of one star in canis major, the brightest one. But it would make a ridiculous name. "Your name cannot be Sirius."

He sighed heavily. _"Why do you know astrology."_

Remus barked a laugh. "Oh my god are you fucking ser- Oh shit."

_"See what I have to live with?"_

"Still better than Lupin."

_"Yeah, I'll give you that."_

"Fuck, your entire family? I need examples."

 _"My brothers' name is Regulus, which is worse than Sirius and Remus by far, my dad is Orion, that's also my middle name."_ He listed matter-of-factly like he was used to the question. Remus did not miss the scorn that seeped into his voice each time his family was mentioned. _"Then we have cousin Bellatrix and Andromeda. I have an uncle named Cygnus and one named Alphard... but there are literally hundreds of examples I could give you."_

"I-... How dare you make fun of the wolf theme. That is insane."

_"You don't know the half of it."_

"...So you're Sirius Orion... something."

_"Something, you still haven't figured out-"_

"I'm looking you up on Facebook."

_"Hey! You've already cheated once-"_

"Alert the authorities." He replied dryly, putting Sirius on speaker and opening Facebook.

_"You are actually the biggest kill-joy-"_

"Black? Your name is Sirius fucking Black?"

_"Yes-"_

"Your name is Sirius Black."

_"Well, I know that."_

"That is so not fucking fair."

_"What?"_

"That doesn't sound stupid at all you fucking liar."

_"Sorry to disappoint Remus Lupin."_

"I hate this." He groaned and looked to the mounted clock. Half-past three. "Also, I need to get ready for work."

_"Mm, let's not keep the dedicated patrons of the bookshop waiting, yes?"_

Remus paused. "Did you look me up on Facebook?"

There was a gasp on the other end, and Remus realized his mistake. _"WAIT DO YOU ACTUALLY WORK IN A BOO-"_

"Ah, fuck me." He hung up, with a grin on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos & comments make me happy
> 
> I have a feeling there r like a million spelling errors in this one- don't hesitate to point them out lol


	9. Chapter 9

“Is this the newest one?” The woman who reeked of old-lady perfume asked, for a second time.

“Yes, it’s the last of the series,” Remus answered, with a sickly-sweet smile.

“Oh, excellent!” The woman lit up and handed Remus the book, which he scanned and then gave back to her. He had only been working for thirty-five minutes but was already itching to get home. Not that he didn’t like his job, it was perfectly adequate for a bookish student, but he felt… distracted.

The lady paid and put her newest purchase in her purse, all whilst going on about the genius of the author. Remus couldn’t care less about Gilderoy Lockart’s genius or the fact that he was ‘rather dashing’. Sure, the man on the cover was attractive no doubt, but, well… His neatly styled blonde hair just wasn’t as appealing as long dark hair was. And his nose was a bit too long, the eyebrows too light… and the cheekbones weren’t the high and defined one’s stuck on Remus’s mind.

It really felt too good to be true. Sirius Black was not only stunningly gorgeous, but he was also the witty stranger Remus had been texting daily, the one who made him grin at his phone like a giddy teenager. He was also queer. And seemingly interested in Remus.

Too good to be true.

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_(16:42)_

**\- Goodday Remus Lupin**

_-Fuck off Sirius Orion Black._

**-Such foul language**

**-How’s work?**

_-Ordinary._

**-Sounds riveting.**

**-What bookshop is it**

_-No._

**-Yes**

**-I have a feeling it’s one of those small ones**

**-Family business**

**-You wouldn’t engage in the capitalistic destruction that is corporate chain stores, would you?**

_-Fuck off and let me work, yes?_

**-No, I don't think so.**

* * *

Remus put his phone away. He wouldn’t want to be caught texting on his shift, Minerva liked him, but she was also strict and thought technology was the root of all evil. He put Sirius Black, and Sirius Blacks mouth, in the back of his mind.

Well, he tried.

An uneventful hour passed. A group of women, all in their late forties, each bought a copy of ‘Fifty shades of grey’, and gave Remus some lingering glances. He was uncomfortable by the time one of them slipped him a business card with her number on it. Remus pretended not to notice until they were gone, all tittering on their way out. Faster than you could say ‘cougar’ the paper was torn in pieces and laid rejected at the bottom of the bin.

A few teenagers with excessive eyeliner entered and bought a few John Green copies. Remus tried not to grimace. Once they had left, the bookshop was quiet for a long time. Remus preferred it like this, he sorted some books, checked inventory, and tidied up the counter.

The door opened with a ring from the bell, and Remus groaned internally. A secondary class with loud and snotty kids filled the shop. Remus resigned himself to his fate of attending to the children, something he hated doing. Their teacher was kind, but clueless. The kids were supposed to find one book each that they were interested in reading so the school library could order them. You’d think they would go to some larger bookshop, but Ollivanders had a ‘famous’ kids section, and did this sort of thing regularly to 'promote reading with kids'.

For the following quarter of an hour, Remus helped kids find different titles they’d heard of (half of them were non-existent), they tugged on his sweater to gain his attention and begged him to read descriptions out loud. Remus never ever wanted children of his own.

He was helping a girl decide between Rory the happy elephant and Adventures with Ducky, when he vaguely registered the ring of the door bell. His subconscious told him it was probably one of the teachers or a kid getting back in and didn’t look up from the bright books in his hands.

“See, Rory is pink, and I really like pink. Pink is my favourite colour. But Ducky is shorter and I don’t like reading… What would you pick?”

“Well,” Remus began, squatting down to her level and inspecting the books further, as if making a big decision. “I’d argue that Rory being pink doesn’t do much for the story… But on the other hand, this one has a dog named ‘Ducky’, which is just completely ridiculous.” His brows furrowed. “And though, admittedly a pink elephant is rather nonsensical, I would go with this one.” He held up the brightly pink book for the pensive looking girl.

“I don’t know…” She said, despite the in-depth analysis of the literary work just given.

“I would argue,” A voice came from behind Remus. By the time he had craned his neck to see who it belonged to, a familiar man settled beside Remus in the same squatting-position, facing the girl. Remus’s eyes widened. “that everyone knows dogs are cooler then elephants, no matter their name.” Sirius told the girl, with a stupidly attractive grin on his lips.

“What are you-” Remus began, dumbfounded.

“And, let’s be honest, the less reading, the better.” Sirius continued speaking to the girl, so Remus decided he’d do the same.

“He’s only saying that because he can’t read very well.”

“Sure I can,” Sirius met his eye and quirked one of his brows. “In four languages.”

Remus now felt it was important to win this debate they had begun. “Dogs are annoying and overbearing, and not very intelligent, you know.” He told the little girl, now looking cryptically between the two men.

“Oh please, everyone loves dogs.” Sirius countered enthusiastically.

“Not everyone,” Remus told him dryly.

“Everyone with a soul, then” He quipped, and turned back to the poor girl. “Elephants are loud and obnoxious, and frankly, not very fun to play catch with.” He smiled sweetly at her, her cheeks went red, and her eyes fell to the floor bashfully.

“I think I’ll read Ducky.” She said quietly and took the book from Remus's hands.

"Oh for fuc-" Remus began, standing up.

"Great choice!" Sirius said unnecessarily loud, to hide Remus's swearing. The girl wandered off, leaving the now standing pair alone.

"What the fu-" Remus caught himself this time with a glance at the sea of kids surrounding them. "-udge are you doing here?" Sirius looked him up and down casually, Remus didn't miss it.

"That's not how you greet the hottest man you've ever seen, Remus."

Remus groaned. "For the last time, I didn't say-"

"You weren't answering my texts," He interrupted. "so I thought I'd do a little detectives work and, voila." He finished with a wink. The man's features were incredibly distracting, it was honestly hard to keep up with the conversation. Remus busied his hands by grabbing a few deserted children books and began stacking them.

"How'd you even find this place?" He asked while squatting to place a book. Sirius shrugged at the inquiry, Remus supposed it wouldn't be that difficult, since it was on his Facebook.

"I live just around the corner" He answered. Remus stood and faced him.

"That- Thant's not what I meant."

Sirius smirked shamelessly. "I know, I just wanted to let you know that I live just around the corner," Remus rolled his eyes, but the smile playing on his lips exposed his amusement. He continued to sort the pile he was holding and Sirius followed like a dog on a leash. "Let me take you to dinner," He spoke confidently, leaning on the bookshelf, trying to meet Remus's eyes.

"No," He answered, teasingly and walked over to the counter where the teacher now stood, apparently wanting to buy a book herself. He greeted her and scanned the book.

"Why not?" Sirius had followed and stood at the end of the counter. Remus promptly ignored him and gave the woman her total. Once the transaction was over, and she had thanked him for their visit, she left to assemble her students.

"Go out with me, Moony," Sirius said, as he too moved behind the counter, standing a bit closer to Remus than was appropriate. Their eyes met and Remus's stomach was suddenly flipping violently. _Fuck he's so attractive,_ he thought. Remus sighed and leaned his back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No, you may not take me to dinner." He said curtly, and continued in a lower tone. "But, we can order takeout and go to your place."

Sirius's eyes lit up and he placed one hand beside Remus, leaning in easily and smirking sinfully. "Get me to finally discuss my fudgeable mouth, yes?"

Remus smirked and brought his lips closer to Sirius's ear. "Get you to finally shut up, actually." He spoke slowly, sounding smug.

Sirius accidentally made a strange noise in the back of his throat, and covered it with a small cough. "When do you get off?" Sirius asked quickly. Remus quirked a brow and they both let the innuendo pass.

"At six."

"It's like twenty minutes past six."

"Oh.”

*

They chatted easily on their way to the Indian place Sirius had dubbed ‘best curry distributor in England’. It felt strange strolling down the street with Sirius, the conversation flowing easily as if they’d been friends for years. Sirius was funny, but Remus already knew this. 

They picked up some food and headed for Sirius flat, situated in a much safer neighbourhood than the one Remus lived in.

"This yours?" Remus held up the small, sparkly and bright pink tutu that had been thrown over a kitchen chair. The kitchen was maybe twice as large as the one in Remus and Marlene’s apartment. It was easy to tell Sirius came from money, and Remus suspected his roommate did too, but he had no way of knowing. 

Sirius tried to hide his posh accent, sometimes it slipped, but still, it was usually evident to Remus’s ears. There was also something in the way Sirius carried himself. Remus was used to craning his neck behind a book in the quiet corner of a library, but Sirius held his head high and back straight- as if expecting to be met with a certain amount of respect. It made no difference to Remus, sure- he was poor as church mice- but Sirius didn’t seem the type to judge.

"Oh yeah. You should see me in my matching heels.” Sirius deadpanned.

“I think I really should,” Remus said teasingly, going along with the joke and looking him up and down. Sirius roommate, James, was apparently travelling with his family. _How convenient_ , Remus thought, _that he won’t catch a poof in your apartment._ Remus assumed that James, whom Sirius so far had talked about as a brother, wasn’t aware of Sirius sexuality. Remus based this assumption on two things; 1. The first texts he’d received from Sirius, addressed to ‘Prongs’, aka James. 2. It seemed difficult for Sirius to tell Remus he was into men, so it felt safe to assume he was still in the closet.

They hadn’t mentioned Sirius confusion regarding his sexuality, nor would they, it seemed. That was fine with Remus. Sure, he liked Sirius so far, but Remus never wanted a relationship out of this. Plus, it kind of goes without saying that closeted guys only do ‘no strings’. Totally fine.

Sirius grinned and went to the fridge. “My niece had her recital last week and left that here. Beer or wine?”

“Beer,” Remus drawled as he took a good look at Sirius arse now that he had turned. _How is this man real?_ Remus felt like kissing him.

“How hetero of you-” Sirius began, and as he turned Remus pulled on his shirt, and kissed him hard. The connection was hot and electric, nothing short of amazing. Fuck, if kissing him felt like this... _We’d have mindblowing sex_ , Remus thought. Sirius breathed him, and Remus took a firm grip low on his hip, fingers close to his arse. Sirius made a noise deep in his throat, and it felt like music to Remus’s ears.

Their kissing stilled and Sirius leaned back slightly. “Poof,” He said in an almost-whisper, grinning. 

Remus smirked as Sirius leaned back in, but Remus separated them. Sirius stood frozen watching him, and his lips. He stared at Remus’s lips like they were made of fucking chocolate.

Remus quirked a brow at him, playing dumb and innocent. “Beer?”

He blicked. “Oh, right, yeah,” He fumbled with his words, much to Remus’s amusement.

It was most unusual to think, just a few weeks ago Remus had no idea who the person in front of him was. 

“So how do you know Dorcas anyways?” Remus asked once they had sat down at the kitchen table.

Sirius swallowed a bit of his curry, “Me and James went to boarding school with her. We were never really close, but when we all ended up here we started talking again.”

Remus hummed. “But you didn’t know she was a lesbian?” He prodded at his food, and tried to sound casual. 

Sirius let out a small laugh, “I, eh, had my suspicions, but… Well, let’s just say it was something to tell James- that I wanted to hook up with her, that is.”

Remus decided not to prod at the subject of his sexuality. Instead, he pointed his fork at him accusingly. “No. You don’t get to switch up on the terms like that. You said, and I quote, ‘get my hand up her skirt’, you do not get to live that down.” 

Sirius smirked at him in silence for a while. “What about Marlene?”

Remus eyed him over his curry. “Did I try to get my hand up her skirt?”

He rolled his eyes. “Shut up, will you?” There was a lovely smile on his lips.

Remus sighed. “I’ve been living with her since I moved here.”

“Hm, from where, Wales?” He asked casually. Remus made a face that read ‘How the fuck did you know’. Sirius chuckled to himself. “You have an accent. One of my friends is Welsh too, it’s pretty noticeable.”

Remus grimaced. “Well, you obviously grew up in London.”

“That I did.” Sirius quipped, shoving some chicken in his mouth and swallowed before speaking. “So tell me, did you grow up wanting to be a sheepherder, and resent the English with a burning passion?”

Remus lips quirked in amusement. “The English? No. Londoners? Slightly.”

“I don’t blame you. Why’d you move?” Sirius asked casually. Remus didn’t understand why he was trying to get to know him so bad. But then again, Sirius was known to be curious.

“This feels like a job interview.”

Sirius placed both of his lovely forearms on the table, and leaned forward slightly. “Tell me, Remus, what would you consider your strengths?” He asked in a formal voice.

Remus put his fork down and continued in a matching formal fashion. “Well, Mr Black, I feel confident in my work ethic, I am incredibly ambitious, have excellent credentials, and I give world-class blowjobs.” Remus' voice was flat, but on the inside, he felt sly.

Sirius choked on his food, and it took Remus biting his own lip not to laugh. “I see,” Sirius said, once he’d collected himself. “That all sounds very promising, I must say. Weaknesses?”

Remus took some time looking Sirius up and down, he smirked. “Long hair and french.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are probably spelling errors heh
> 
> kudos and comments make me happy:)  
> I post on Tumblr when I update, @itsboringblogs


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love lately, your comments make me so incredibly happy- I love writing this and your enthusiasm make it such a wholesome experience

They talked for a long time. It was a typical get-to-know conversation, but somehow it felt _fun_. Witty remarks, bad jokes and innuendos made it humorous, but Remus also found himself interested in knowing where Sirius worked, about the numerous pranks he’d pulled off with James and Peter at boarding school, and his favourite movie of all time. Surprisingly, although Remus ought to learn not to be surprised by Sirius at this point, his favourite movie was Mulan.

“The soundtrack is phenomenal!” Sirius urged emphatically. Their plates laid empty and long forgotten, along with six empty beer bottles.

“Oh please, you love it because of Li Shang,” Remus accused with a grin on his lips. He wasn’t quite sure as to why, perhaps it was the alcohol, but he felt almost giddy. It was hard to keep the smile off his lips. He watched as Sirius ran a hand through his hair, his eyes followed the movement through silky locks. _Yes, definitely the alcohol._ He cleared his throat, “He was the sexual awakening for millions, okay?”

Sirius raised a brow, “Oh? Was he yours?”

Remus chuckled to himself. “No, mine was Danny Phantom. Didn’t realize it at the time, though.”

“Never seen it.” He took another sip of his beer. 

Remus felt his mouth fall open, “You’ve never seen Danny Phantom?”

“Nope,” he stated, shaking his head. “Only saw Mulan, like, two years ago.” He shrugged as he said it, and Remus stared bewildered at him. Sirius met his eyes, “Yeah, I had a weird childhood.”

Remus felt like he shouldn’t ask… “But Danny Phantom!”

“We didn’t have a tv, okay?”

“Soo, they just didn’t want you happy?”

“That, and they think it persuades kids to join the devil.” He drawled.

Remus looked him over, “Jesus freaks?”

Sirius tilted his head in consideration, “that’s a nice way to put it.”

Remus looked pensive and scratched his jaw. “Well, it did persuade me to sin, maybe they were onto something,” he finished flatly.

Sirius huffed in amusement, “Not all of us get a hard-on watching kids cartoons.”

"Oi," Remus feigned offence and tilted his beer at Sirius, "that’s because you’ve never seen it.”

“You’re unbelievable,” He rolled his eyes, exposing straight white teeth as he grinned.

Remus hummed. “M, you say that now, you haven’t even slept with me yet,”

Sirius looked up, taking a sip of his beer as he smirked, “...yet,”

Sirius tasted like newly showered skin. And curry. Remus wouldn’t soon be able to forget how his tongue worked so perfectly with his own, open mouths pressing desperately against each other. Remus’ back hit the wall as Sirius pushed him forward by his hips. He had only time to force air down his lungs before Sirius decided he wanted to share the air between them.

Remus loved his hair. He loved touching it, and gripping it as he did now. He loved the groan it produced and he loved the skin exposed when Sirius’s head was forced back.

Remus wasn’t sure where Sirius bedroom was, they had stumbled out of the kitchen, grabbing and tasting each other feverishly. The hall was dark now, and Remus honestly couldn’t imagine how they were supposed to muster up enough focus to navigate themself to a bed.

Sirius’s large hand pressed against the small of Remus’s back, urging their groins together. Upon realizing they were both hard, both tried to steal the air for themselves in quick gasps. Remus felt completely lost in the man against him, possibly due to the lack of blood residing in his brain at the moment. His lips left the soft and swollen ones they’d been locked with, kissing down his jaw, licking and sucking on the somehow shower-smelling skin. Sirius gasped and moaned, sounds travelling directly to Remus’s groin. _He is fucking intoxicating._

“Fuck, _Remus_ ,” He was sucking down particularly hard at the spot where he could feel a quick pulse, it made Sirius’s voice go squeamish and Remus bathed in the sound.

“What're you comfortable with?” Remus asked in a hoarse voice, finding it physically painful to take his lips off the warm surface. As quickly as the words left him he let his tongue continue its journey down flushed skin.

Sirius groaned in a somewhat confused manner, distracted by the erotic sensation on his clearly sensitive neck. “Wha? Eve- Ah, fuck,” Sirius moaned, one hand enraptured in Remus’s locks, the other on his arse, pushing forward and seeking friction.

Remus took his lips off him, earning a groan of frustration from the other man. “Sirius…” He drawled with a painfully teasing nipping of his earlobe. When Sirius only moaned he stopped. “What do you wanna do?” He asked, his hand snaking its way down to Sirius hard cock. He tried not to be too suggestive, since he didn’t know how comfortable Sirius was with the situation, but it was hard keeping his hands completely off of him.

“I- ah- I want you.”

Remus tried to ignore the shiver running threw him at the words. “You want me to what?” He urged slowly, needing to know that Sirius knew what he was asking.

Sirius groaned in frustration and pulled Remus by his jaw so they faced each other. “I wanna have sex with you, Remus Lupin,” He said, looking him in his eyes. Remus closed his eyes. When he opened them again he had a question on his tongue, but Sirius answered before he could pose it. “I’m not inexperienced with guys,” He rolled his eyes, “I was first sucked off by a bloke at sixteen for fucks sake,” Sirius pushed their lips together in an open-mouthed kiss.

Remus brows furrowed, “but-” he spoke as he separated them.

“Years of denial,” Sirius rushed in a single breath in answer, before kissing him again. And that was that, apparently.

They had made it to a bed. Sirius bedroom was uncharacteristically neat. Well, aside from the rumpled sheets of the bed. It was a classy room with dark features, some posters were hung up- but Remus was in no state to even notice what they displayed.

The sheets were soft and warm at first, and the pillows smelled of Sirius. Now, the sheets were dirty and used, and the pillows were misplaced. But it was utterly perfect. Sex with Sirius was… It was something else entirely. It was like discovering porn and chocolate all in the same day- new sensations that rocked you to your very core.

Afterwards, they breathed heavily in silence for a while, before laughing. They _laughed_. Because why wouldn’t they? It was _stupid_ how good this was, how good they were together- how couldn’t you laugh?

“I should get going,” Remus said in a voice that was still rough from exhaustion. He stood up from the bed and searched for his discarded clothes, completely unashamed standing stark-naked. _Nothing Sirius hadn’t seen now._ Sirius was still laying down. Remus felt eyes on him, and when his own met them Sirius looked unperturbed.

“What?” Remus asked.

Sirius’s eyes fell down him once, slowly. When he met his gaze again there was something in his eyes. “Nothin’” He answered, but it didn’t feel like nothin’.

Sirius looked so… Remus couldn’t even name it... Gorgeous? But, it wasn’t only because of his fucking perfect exterior, even with the dishevelled hair and flushed skin. He felt gorgeous in a way that did strange things to Remus. In the way that made him want to kiss Sirius, with no intention of taking it further.

He could kiss him now. He could kneel on the bed and catch his lips again, before leaving- hell, he could probably spend the night if he wanted to.

But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t spend the night, because it was something he _never_ did. And he wouldn’t _kiss him goodbye._

He sighed, _get a grip, Remus._

It had rained on the way home, making his coat uncomfortable and heavy as he shed himself of it. Even as he hung the coat, removed his wet shoes, and stood shivering in the hall- there was a stupid fucking grin on his lips.

“What’re you so happy about?” Marlene was smirking at him with a cup of tea in her hands, one eyebrow quirked.

Remus shrugged, “sex,” he answered noncommittedly as he entered his room.

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_(22:48)_

**-Unbelievable indeed**

_**-** Idiot_

**-You should watch your mouth**

_-You should watch Danny Phantom._

**-Come over Thursday and watch it together...?**

_-If you wanna have sex, Sirius, you can just ask._

**-Fine do you wanna have sex on Thursday?**

**-See that looks weird**

_-I can't._

_-Friday?_

**-Could we do your place?**

_-No._

**-Fine, Sunday?**

_-Sure, let's have sex on Sunday._

**-See, weird.**

* * *

*

"The best sex of your life?" She repeated, watching him like she didn't believe the statement.

"Yes!" Remus replied, throwing a hand in the air for emphasis. "I mean, I think so. It was really good, anyway." His eyes fell back down to the textbook in front of him. They were studying in the library, because their apartment was apparently 'too distracting'. Not that Marlene placed focus on her studies at this location either. 'Studying' an excuse to buy good coffee and gossip, to keep her entertained.

Marlene was gnawing on the inside of her cheek, "you like him then?"

"I-er, sure. I mean, yeah. But it's just casual." He finished, and began chewing on the wooden pencil in his hand. An old habit.

"Yeah?" She asked guardedly, "You sure?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I only _want_ it to be casual, it's not like I wanna date the man." Because that would be ridiculous, right? "Besides, he's not out soo-"

"-So it's definitely casual." She laughed, Remus hummed in agreement. "Did..." She began, making it seem casual by flipping through the textbook she wasn't reading. "He's good friends with Dorcas?"

Remus looked up at her. "I don't know, really. He said they went to the same boarding school," he sipped on his coffee he had bought even though he thought the taste was entirely too bitter, "she knows he's queer though, so I suppose they have to be."

"So you didn't talk about her much then?"

"No, I didn't ask," He said, eyeing her carefully. "Would you have wanted me to?"

She kept on fake-reading, flipping a page before answering, "No. I was just curious."

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_(15:04)_

**-Moony**

_-Sirius, you know my name. You can stop calling me that now._

**-Never**

**-If you were a fourteen year-old girl who kept dying her hair and wants to quit ballet,**

**-What would you want for your birthday that wouldn't be considered** **"totally lame"**

_-Fags probably._

**-Never have children**

_-Yeah, the whole 'into dick' thing kind of nipped that in the bud._

**-Thank god**

**-My question still stands**

_-I know books and sexy kids cartoons what do you want from me._

**-She likes books and vintage things and my thoughts came to you**

_-I don't like this._

_-Do you still have that leather jacket from high school?_

**-Duh**

_-Why don't you give her that. It's vintage, probably over-sized, and then you own one less leather jacket._

_-But don't blindly trust my angsty-teen-knowledge, it's just what I see kids her age wearing at the shop._

_-She'd probably like John Green, right?_

**-You amaze me.**

**-That was actually a really good idea**

**-And yes that is her favourite author apparently??**

**-You should have kids**

_-No._

**-Her mom wants your number for gift intel**

**-But I told her you're my secret weapon**

_-So that would be your sister?_

**-No actually, the kid isn't really my niece I just call her that because she might as well be**

**-Her mom is my cousin**

**-And the only family member I can stand**

_-Is her name Canopus? Vega?_

**-Not all of us are stars**

_-No, because that would be ridiculous._

**-Bratty**

**-Her name is Andromeda**

_-Is her kid Milky Way?_

**-Oh how I wish I never told you the name thing**

**-And no, she actually broke the Black curse**

_-That's allowed?_

**-Oh no, if she wasn't already disowned all hell would have broken loose**

_-She was disowned? Like properly?_

**-Yeah, so was I**

_-Shit._

_-Like actually?_

**-Yes, properly actually disowned and disinherited, burned off the family tapestry**

_-I_

_-My grandma once told my dad she didn't like his job at the dinner table. In front of everyone._

_-It was all anyone talked about for two months afterwards._

**-You guys should have your own reality tv-show**

_-We really should._

_-Can I ask you something?_

**-Always, Moony**

_-Did the disowned thing have anything to do with the 'into dick' thing?_

**-How eloquent**

**-Yes and no**

**-No I wasn't disowned because I'm 'into dick', since they don't know. I was disowned because I refused my arranged marriage, which yes, I suppose I did partly because of the 'into dick' thing**

_-How old were you?_

**-16**

**-I lived with James's folk until we moved out**

_-Well. I'd say I'm sorry, which yes I am sorry that happened to you, but also kinda glad you got out as soon as possible?_

**-Yeah me too**

_-Did they really have a family tapestry?_

**-Oh that's the least batshit crazy thing about them**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this all over the place? if so I apologize
> 
> I post on tumblr when I update- @itsboringblogs


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the shorter chapters lately...
> 
> Also I'll introduce some actual plot soon lol I promise

* * *

Padfoot

* * *

_(10:23)_

**-Moony**

**-Mooooony**

**-Mooons**

**-Remus**

_-There we go._

**-Why do you choose evil**

**-I’m bored**

_-Ok._

**-You’re like physically painful to converse with**

**-What are you up to**

_-Lecture in 5._

**-Skip it**

_-No?_

**-Yes**

**-Its a Friday**

_-It's*_

_-And I'm aware. Still going._

**-But Fridays are for drinking and sex**

_-Is that an offer?_

**-Yes it is please come over and fuck me or I'll fuck you please I'm so bored**

_-The word is horny._

_-And no._

**-I'm irresistible**

**-Sex with me is so much more fun than some lecture**

_-Why won't you be going to your lectures if you're so bored?_

_-Wait, how do I still not know your major?_

**-Let some mystery persevere**

**-And I have better things to do**

_-Better things, like bothering me?_

**-Bothering you all over, am I?**

**-I'm also eating leftover welsh rarebit and my thoughts came to you**

_-Why the fuck do you have welsh rarebit?_

**-James is in love with a welsh and I suffer for it?**

_-That didn't really answer my question. Did she make them?_

**-No, he made them to impress her**

_-That's_

_-That is not going to impress her._

_-My nain makes welsh rarebit._

**-And you don't wanna bang her even a little bit?**

_-Not even a little bit._

**-How strange**

**-Also, you call your grandmother nain?**

_-Yes._

_-She's Welsh. Speak English in her house and the rarebits are gone._

**-You speak welsh??**

_-Poorly._

**-WHY didn't we cover this?**

_-It's not a sexy language._

**-Was that the category??**

_-Yes._

**-Peut-être que tu peux me parler sale en gallois?**

_-I won't be dirty talking you in Welsh._

_-Go jack off or something you're too horny to deal with right now._

**-Lend me a hand?**

_-Goodbye._

* * *

*

The hand caressing the back of his neck was large and warm. Sirius’s other was drawing a lazy pattern with soft fingertips down his side. Sirius kissed him slow and hard, like he wanted to consume him, but was saving the best for last. His lips travelled down his neck.

“And _then_ ,” Remus continued in a bothered voice, “I had to go all the way across town- ah, fuck- just to get this fucking book,” Sirius hummed into his skin, “just to realize it’s not even mandatory, the professor's just a cunt.” Remus sighed irritatedly.

Sirius’s hand moved further down, palming Remus still clothed erection. “Sounds frustrating,” he remarked, only taking his lips off of Remus’s neck for a second.

Remus groaned and took a firm hold of the brunette’s shoulders, to anchor himself. “And then, when I get there, this arsehole sends me fucking nudes during my lecture,” Sirius chuckled guiltily at that. “And I have to sit through it half-hard,”

“Oh, pauvre Remus,” Sirius said darkly, letting his lips travel further up his neck to speak into his ear. Remus felt his entire being shiver. _He really shouldn’t be allowed to be this attractive._ “Tu veux que je m'en occupe pour toi?” Sirius squeezed Remus’s hard-on.

Remus snapped, flipping them over and pinning Sirius hips with his own, pushing down hard.

“You should never speak English,” he breathed, taking hostage of Sirius’s mouth. 

They had sex. A lot of it. Remus’s entire Sunday evening was spent kissing, grabbing and fucking. Sirius seemed to have arranged so that his roommate wouldn’t be home. Remus didn’t know where he was, but also knew not to ask.

Remus couldn't exactly blame him, Remus himself had a rule to never bring guys over to his apartment, and another that told him to never spend the night after sex. They were small anti-intimacy rules, and they had worked for him so far. 

When they had stumbled into Sirius bedroom, (“I thought we were gonna watch Danny phantom,” Sirius had panted between kisses. “We were never gonna watch Danny phantom, Sirius.”) Remus hadn’t taken the time to look around the larger bedroom. As his eyes scanned it now though, he noticed some photos pinned to the headboard. Most of them included Sirius and a boy with ruffled black hair and glasses, probably James. 

“How did I not notice these pictures, I fucked you into his headboard like ten minutes ago,” he wondered out loud, much to Sirius amusement. Remus’s eyes flickered between multiple pictures until they narrowed on one. “Is that your arse?” 

Sirius craned his neck to take a look for himself. The picture in question depicted two men mooning the camera. A woman stood between them with a ciggie between her lips. “Yeah,” he shrugged, “I’m offended you have to ask, we both know it’s memorable enough.”

Remus rolled his eyes, “Is that one James?” He asked, referring to the one to the left. Sirius made a noise of confirmation. He was never keen to discuss James, he probably didn’t want these two parts of his life to mix. Remus seemingly didn’t mind. “He’s got a nice arse.”

Sirius startled. “No he doesn’t,” he sat himself up to see the picture better, then narrowed his eyes at Remus, “poof.”

He smirked, “fine, the girl’s hot too- you know, for a woman,” he shrugged, but when he said it Sirius took a second glance at the photo. 

His eyes fell a bit, “Huh, forgot she was in it,” Sirius said quietly, more to himself. 

“Who is she?” Remus asked casually.

Sirius shifted a bit. “Ex,”

Remus knew not to ask, he understood that they weren't supposed to acknowledge the subject of Sirius sexuality. He could be bi, but then Remus didn’t really understand the major struggle he seemed to be going through. And hadn’t he said he only pretended to be into Dorcas?

“I feel like crêpes,” Sirius mumbled into his pillow. They were sobering up from their communal sex-haze.

Remus huffed. “And now- on most pretentious shit you’ve said,” he stated as a gameshow host.

Sirius lifted his head and looked irritatedly at him, “That’s not pretentious.”

“Just say pancakes, fuckwit,” He countered tiredly.

Sirius jaw actually dropped, looking offended beyond reason, “they’re not the same!”

“Sure they are,” Remus said confidently, even though he’d never had _crêpes_.

Fifteen minutes later they stood in the kitchen, holding crêpes-filled plates. Remus’s had Nutella on them, Sirius’s were drenched in syrup. 

Watching Sirius cook them was a vision, and subsequently making fun of him was very amusing. All hell broke loose when he added salt to the batter. ‘Ça fait ressortir le sucre!’ He had said, making Remus smack the back of his head 

“Pancakes taste better,” Remus stated now, acting like that meant he’d won the argument. He stood with his back leaning against the kitchen counter. Sirius sat on the counter opposite him, in only his boxers. He had a few tattoos at the sides of his chest, and a few more on his thighs. Remus _really_ liked them.

Sirius raised his brows, faux-aloof. “So you admit they’re different.”

“These are worse,” He drawled. They totally weren’t. 

Sirius’s eyes narrowed. “You’re eating them.”

“Worse," he repeated, "i.e. not necessarily bad.”

“So, good.”

Using his fork as a knife, he cut off another piece, then flung it in his mouth. “Not as good as pancakes.”

Sirius puffed through his nostrils, “that wasn’t the argument.”

“Why not just make pancakes," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

“These are better, and healthier.” 

“But you’ll avoid sounding like a pretentious douchebag,”

“I’ll avoid diabetes.” Sirius remarked.

“Shame,” Remus frowned.

Sirius kicked at his thigh. “Fuck off-”

"And yeah, no, that pool of syrup is looking real rich with proteins and vitamines- ouch!" Sirius kicked his thigh again. Remus swatted at the foot in response.

"I just made you a delicious meal and you can't spare the fucking attitude," he said pointedly, stifling a grin.

Remus bit his cheek, "I just fucked you like some sort of animal and you can't show a little fucking gratitude." 

Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes in a way that shouldn't be so damn attractive, "oh yes, I'm so very grateful you put your cock in my arse, what a sacrifice it must have been," he drawled.

Remus smirked, lowering his voice, "bottom" he sang.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at the man who'd fucked him thoroughly just twenty minutes ago. He put the utensils down on his plate, "Hey, I've topped like twice now,"

Remus quirked a brow at him, "doesn't mean you're good at it." _He's pretty fucking marvellous at it, actually._

The statement amused Sirius. He smirked wide, and then yelled in a high pitch voice, that assumedly was mimicking Remus's own, "AH FUCK SIRIUS AH FUCK, FASTER!" He threw his head back, panting and moaning. It really shouldn't be so incredibly attractive.

"I don't sound like that," Remus stated, suppressing his lips desire to lift at the corners.

"M, you really do," Sirius remarked, his tongue in his cheek. He was still very much almost nude, _and so damn attractive._

Remus turned around to the sink, placing his empty plate there. "Well, I still maintain you're bad at it, had to give you instructions, didn't I?

Sirius huffed, "I could do without the sodding manual, thank you."

Once Remus had washed off his plate he dried his hands on the kitchen towel.

“Okay, I’m fed and fucked," he began, gravitating towards the hallway, "I’ll be off."

Sirius hummed. “Enjoy your diabetes,” his voice was higher in order to reach Remus, who was slipping his feet in his trainers.

“Enjoy your cum stained sheets,” he called back from the hallway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live in Sweden I know jack shit about Wales sorry if it makes no sense I'm sorry
> 
> Translations (I don't speak french lol):  
> "Peut-être que tu peux me parler sale en gallois?"-Maybe you can talk dirty to me in Welsh?  
> "Tu veux que je m'en occupe pour toi?"- You want me to take care of it for you?  
> "Ça fait ressortir le sucre!"-It brings out the sugar!


End file.
